The Official Christmas list I gave my parents wasn’t very exciting. I think all it had on it was pyjamas, flannel bedsheets, some excessively nerdy books about cyborgs and knitting and feminist musicology, and a cast-iron wok.
There are, however, a few things I would like that I don’t think my parents will be able to deliver.
1. I would like some boy to prove wrong the hypothesis that there are three types of men in the world:
a) Gay men
b) Men in happy, stable, committed relationships
c) Men who are emotionally unavailable
(The Mythical Sensitive Sweater Man, who is generally a character played by Colin Firth in British romantic comedies, is pretty much imaginary and thus cannot be included on this list.)
Go on, gentlemen. Ask me out. Prove me wrong. I dare you.
2. I would like it to be 1994 again for the following reasons:
a) Bikini Kill had not broken up yet
b) Throwing Muses and Belly and the Pixies and L7 were still active and awesome and it was a truly marvelous time for rock.
c) I was ten years old and thus didn’t have to write papers or exams
d) Docs were still in style
e) This show (which may or may not have been my favourite and was really just so good) was still on the air
f) A certain US President wasn’t President yet
3. I’m super happy that Plan B is available without a prescription in Canada, however, I’m super pissed off that some pharmacies are recording personal information about the women who are buying it. This needs to stop.
4. I would like for my voice to always work all of the time so that I don’t have bad singing days where I sound like The Incredible Frog Woman from the Planet Amphibitron.
5. I would like for all the work that needs to be done to plan my recital for next term to be done so that I don’t have to lose sleep over it.
6. I would like to go out on Saturday night.
7. I would like a unicorn (ponies are for amateurs).
Yours,
Alexandra,
You know how I’d love to help, but alas, even here in London we lack unicorns and time machines.
And, apperently, good men.
–Kristen
You had me laughing all the way down the list, but #7 almost made me fall over. Lady, you are so totally the definition of amazing sense of humour.
What about a sensitive sweater cyborg? Now there would be a great man.
swoon
Let’s go out on Saturday and get smashed. Then let’s make out with random people. If we go to Abstract, we can wear corsets! (If we go to Phil’s there is less chance of making out with an old crack dealer.)
Yay, unicorns! I’m so glad you like!
I couldn’t even handle a Sensitive Sweater Cyborg. I really couldn’t. It would be so fabulous that I would possibly explode.
Yay getting smashed! And yay corsets and cleavage!
J’adore, cherie.