Allow me to explain.
I was very tired this morning. The kind of tired where, when your eyes find something nice to focus on, they decide to stay there. My eyes picked you. Because you were super cute. And reading a book and looking clever. And then, because I was tired, my eyes kind of drifted down and decided to stay focused on your crotchal area.
But I was not thinking about your crotch. I promise.
I was thinking about your thighs.
I was thinking about how boys’ thighs in boxer shorts (flannel) are probably one of the sexiest things in the world. I was thinking about how it’s socially acceptable for men to fetishize women’s thighs. So I’ve decided that I’m now going to fetishize men’s thighs, and, in fact, make them my personal fetish of choice. And, honestly, since making this decision, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about boy-thighs-in-boxers. About how they’re kind of fuzzy and nice. It has also been pointed out to me by various informed persons that other key parts of the boy-in-boxers experience include fuzzy bellies right over top of boxers and hip bones. As a result of these revelations, I am pleased to report that every single boy I have seen all day has had his pants removed in my mind and that, in my head, there are fleets of boys walking around only in shorts. And, I’m not going to lie, it’s been very distracting (but not in a bad way).
So don’t take it personally, cute boy on bus, you were merely the catalyst for a new and thrilling phenomenon in my life.
Yours,
Alexandra
PS: Call me.
There was a guy on the subway with the awesomest nes controller belt buckle ever the other day. I could not help but stare. It occurred to me later that it probably looked like I was checking out his crotch, repeatedly. Sorry guy.
At least tight pants are coming back in style–you won’t have to work so hard with the mental undressing.
Sra, you make tight pants sound like a good thing. Now, I realize that the ginormous 10 sizes too big kind of pants craze of the last decade or so has been a little ridiculous and that properly fitting pants (not skin tight, but not falling off your ass, either) might seem like “tight pants”. So I hope that by “tight pants” you mean “properly fitting pants” because seriously tight pants would be a shame.
I meant comparatively, not 80s glam rock tight.
but…but…David Bowie!
The man is an exception to almost every rule.
Yes. Yes.
Picturing David Bowie in tight 80s pants (especially given that he wore them in the 80s) is okay. But picture David Alexander in tight 80s pants…do you still support tight 80s pants?
Alexandra, you are so right my dear! I have always thought the boy thighs (specifically in flannel plaid boxers) are like, the hottest ever!
I was unaware of the extra awesomeness of the hip bones until I had the frequent opportunity to poke/tickle some. SOOOO good.
Also, teenage boys in girl pants are HILARIOUS. Especially when last week they were wearing the huge baggy pants. I hope they all feel fat and uncomfortable about their “back fat.” Vive la revolution!
Amy, that is the most horrifying thing I have ever thought of. Why do you do this to me? Why? And nobody said that they universally supported 80s tight pants – just that Bowie is that rare exception on whom they are ok. I am now going to have terrible dreams tonight. Terrible, terrible dreams.
I didn’t know teenage boys were wearing girl pants. I’m so glad I’m not in high school anymore. Of course, if I were in high school, I would probably think it was hot because I distinctly remember telling my then-boyfriend that he looked really good in this pair of really tight, flared pants that he tried on and subsequently refused to buy.
I love my back fat. Without it, my back would be so cold.
When I first moved down here I was endlessly confused, between the longish emo hair and lady jeans, not only could you not determine sex from the back, it was pretty hard to decipher from the front as well.
Also: Vive la back fat!
I forgot.
Amy: do you have some intel we should be worrying about here? Should everyone start avoiding Dave lest he spring jaw-of-life pants on us?
I only used David Alexander because he happens to share a first name with David Bowie. I could have inserted some other random boy that we know (I won’t lest I give someone else nightmares) but it would have been less funny.
I wouldn’t say I like my back fat…