So, I’m a little concerned about the upcoming movie adaptation of The Golden Compass, largely because it has been one of the most important books in, oh, my entire life. Based on what I have seen on the website, the movie has the following things going for it:
1. It is very pretty.
2. Daniel Craig is in it – he is very pretty.
3. The big armoured polar bears are looking pretty good.
Unfortunately the film also has the following things working against it:
1. The girl playing Lyra is named Dakota. Anyone named Dakota is instantly irritating.
2. Nicole Kidman as Mrs. Coulter will probably be pretty good, but in the book Mrs. Coulter has dark hair and I worry that Nicole Kidman’s blonde hair will lead to comparisons to Ann Coulter, which may be appropriate, but, at the same time, I would like to see as little of Ann Coulter as possible.
3. I anticipate that they’ll probably try to water down the most compelling parts of the book, ie: the parts about how God is evil and we should probably overthrow the church, to cater to certain American audiences. The director has (according to good ol’ wikipedia) assured audiences that religion will be dealt with “euphemistically” and that there will be no mention of God. I smell trouble.
4. Tom Stoppard wrote a script. Tom Stoppard’s script was rejected. Guys, what gives?
A couple of my profs named their kid Dakota Blue. I didn’t realize the name was so popular. Their kid’s a dude, though.
I knew a dog named Dakota.
It’s fine for a dog. But unless you’re a character portrayed by Harrison Ford in a film about extreme archeology, place names as people names are soooooo bad.
Tom Stoppard’s script for Brazil was also rejected. He was probably pissed off in an adorable British way that would make me want to have sex with him even more than usual.
I just think that if he was involved in making this movie it would be sooooo good because it would be this very bizarre little adventure film, likely directed by Terry Gilliam, and all the good, weird parts about theology would still make it in and it would be SUPER DUPER. Instead, it’s going to be a family holiday blockbuster.
yeah, I’m pretty worried about it too (though the bears look fab). Although! I did visit the site and get my daemon. His name is Arion and he’s a fox! So that’s pretty awesome.
Oooh, I did it too! Mine is named Theophilus and he’s a lion! RRRAARR!