Oh, good.

We need to talk about feminine hygiene products for just a moment.

Today, for various convoluted, absurd and yet all-too-typical of ridiculous and stupid things that happen in my life type of reasons, I ended up scoring some free tampons from Health Services (not my typical free-tampon-purveyor of choice – that’s what the Women’s Centre is for, after all, but whatever). Having eschewed mainstream menstrual products for the past five years (since I prefer putting things in/near my vagina that are made of things like natural gum rubber and actual cotton rather than, oh, I don’t know, bleached rayon), I was somewhat alarmed to discover to discover that there is apparently a new line of tampons that just must be X-Files inspired. What else could explain the fact that the applicator is:

a) A particular shade of green that is typically associated with radioactive extraterrestrial goo
b) Made of some kind of shiny space-age plastic
and
b) Shaped like a rocket ship.

Important questions that have arisen include: Why? Huh? Green? And who even needs disposable applicators that are wasteful and bad for the environment anyhow, least of all when they are made of petroleum byproduct space age plastic, when the human body is equipped with a perfectly effective, reusable tampon applicator otherwise known as an index finger? This is what I ask myself. However, the possibilities for new advances in the growing field of tampon arts and crafts are quite literally out of this world.