How to deter oneself from having a public breakdown/sobfest when one is in the midst of an inexplicable existential crisis:
Wear non-waterproof mascara. The very idea of one’s dignity being compromised by great streams of black running down one’s face should be unappetizing enough to help nip that breakdown in the bud.
Also, great gobs of mascara bring you closer to being like Dusty, a great paragon of classiness.
And it works! Who did not allow her existential angst to get the better of her today in the campus coffee house, even though she was thinking seriously about it? I did not have allow my existential angst to get the better of me today in the campus coffee house, even though I was seriously thinking about it.