(Or: quotations that will cement my future status as a Great Woman of Letters.)
1. “I went to Sephora today to get some foundation and I HATE THAT STORE. I go there and I feel really overwhelmed and stupid because I don’t know anything about makeup and tend to get whatever has a cute, gimmicky package and usually the store is so full of people that I get really claustrophobic and annoyed. So I went today cause it was raining and I figured the store wouldn’t be as busy, which was true, but unfortunately, the employees were clearly bored and just wouldn’t leave me alone which made me even madder. So finally I let this girl demonstrate some foundation on my face and it turned out to be really good so I bought it, but now I’m feeling kind of disappointed because it doesn’t have anything cute on the package, like a record player or a lady in a bikini. I should have gone with my first instinct and bought more record player foundation. I hate Sephora.”
2. “I wish he would die of something horrible. Like being eaten alive by a lot of very small birds with sharp little beaks. There is a scene in Barbarella where that almost happens to her, but then she is rescued by Dildano, leader of the resistance, played by a mustachioed David Hemmings. “
Well, maybe not birds with their sharp little beaks, but “still, if you saw him riding a bike, and you chucked a raw steak at his head, I’d support you fully.”
(this is shameless ripped from my friend Marilyn, who always knows the right thing to say when a boy is being stupid.)
Luckily the boy in question is no longer actively a part of my life. But occasionally something will surface to remind me of him, and that’s when I start wishing that someone would bean him with a steak.