Experience the magic for yourself.
Mad props to Leith for finding this one.
February, 2008
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Words fail.
February 28, 2008 by admin
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Epiphanies I have recently had about affairs I am no longer having
February 28, 2008 by admin
When a certain fellow says to you “the reason I said I was on my way and then half an hour later proceeded to stand you up was because I decided that I couldn’t come for no real reason, but I didn’t want to disappoint you by telling you this so instead I just didn’t show, because, you know, I just hate disappointing people,” what is really going on is this:
1. He does not actually care about disappointing people. If he cared about disappointing people, he wouldn’t disappoint them.
2. He is actually just afraid of people getting mad at him.
3. You would think that, by age 31, some people would have grown testicles. Hmmmmm.
Today’s epiphany was made possible in part by the Dorothy Parker Foundation for Cynical but Fashionable Young Ladies, the Bombay Sapphire Company, and the continuing support of readers like you.
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Deconstruction, deconstruction, blah blah whatever – X-Files!
February 26, 2008 by admin
Tonight was shaping up to be pretty stupid, because tonight I was scheduled to spend my evening reading Spivak on Derrida on Rousseau, while tearing out my hair and probably holding my head in my hands and letting out cries of despair.
But then…
X-Files news!So that’s pretty fucking excellent.
ALSO – I finally managed to get to this really good video store that I’ve been meaning to go to for months, and clearly it was meant to be because as soon as I walked in the door my Barbarella-radar led me directly to the section labelled “Space Nudies” (ie: Barbarella and films that are rather like Barbarella). Sometimes I worry that the fact that I appear to have Barbarella-radar indicates that what I actually have is a problem. But anyhow. I didn’t rent any Space Nudies this time, because instead I rented this totally wicked bootlegged documentary on women in British post-punk, and Tank Girl. Tank Girl is now my second favourite film and I watched it two times in as many days, even though it is supposedly shitty, and it has the best soundtrack I have ever imagined. Also, I am very excited that this place has introduced the term Space Nudies into my lexicon because now I have a term with which I can refer to my favourite genre of film.
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Reason why I love this town #746
February 23, 2008 by admin
I have just purchased two tickets for THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.
(ie: Barbarella on the big screen at a very fancy movie theater!)
One ticket is for me, the other is for my to-be-selected hot date.
And right now I would like to say something about who I hope the hot date will be but I’m constantly superstitious that if I say anything publicly about any sort of wish that I hope will come true I will jinx myself and it will never come to pass.
So instead, all I will say is this:
Mumble mumble cough super cute boy cough mumble.
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It never rains in Los Angeles.
February 21, 2008 by admin
Except for . . . WHEN IT DOES. (ie: the majority of Winter, 2008 and also whenever my mom calls and asks about the weather, so that she can say “But I thought it never rained in Los Angeles?”)
Luckily, I have a raincoat that makes me look like a Russian spy.
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Stupid.
February 20, 2008 by admin
1. 19th Century France is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.
2. Today in the copy room, the chair of the musicology department told me that unicorns don’t exist.
3. I wish that the “Send Cupcakes” application on facebook could be used to anonymously send poison cupcakes to people that I hate but it won’t let you do that.
4. My cold is better so I no longer have an excuse to take Tylenol 3s before bed and let me tell you, there is no slumber like a codeine-induced slumber.
5. I want to find a roommate and move to West Hollywood but there is nobody to be roommates with and I probably don’t make enough dollars to just move over there on my own.
6. I need to stop being so self-involved and instead use the internet to save the world rather than just to complain about things that don’t actually matter (ie: France).
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Interrupting your regularly scheduled sarcasm for just a bit of angst
February 18, 2008 by admin
Over the past few months, I have had a less than stellar experience with a certain gentleman, who, it turns out, is neither gentle (by which I mean, classy and reputable) nor a man (possible emotional age: 7). This situation has now been over for a few weeks. I am very happy that this situation is over. I’m happy because I hadn’t realized how miserable it had been making me until I got out and took a step back from the situation. I do not want to go into details because this is not the space for details (if you want details, pull up a chair, pour me an extra-dry gin martini with two olives and settle in for a long night), but suffice it to say that the details involved me making a lot of allowances for stupid behaviour and, in return, being generally ignored. And the whole time I felt very trapped because I felt like I could somehow make it work but was scared of getting stuck in something that wasn’t working, and more and more I felt like I was getting stuck because every time something stupid would happen, something marginally charming would follow, making me think that I was overreacting and should give things another chance.
But anyhow. I’m really glad that this is over. I live in a giant city that is full of boys. I do not need to settle for being treated like I don’t matter. Also, I have shit to do. I do not have time to be worrying that some dude is taking me for a ride. And I have made some wonderful, amazing friends since I moved here, and now I can cultivate those relationships in my free time rather than something that was clearly non-functional.
Having said all of this, for some reason tonight has been hard and lonely. I think it’s because I have been masochistically looking back to my first date with dude and thinking about how much I liked him then and how excited I was because he seemed so wonderful and amazing and perfect and everything that I wanted right then. And I remember that first time he came over for dinner and how it was so fun. And that time we went looking at street art on Melrose and how it was so fun. And then I get sad because that fun was so promising! What happened to that fun? I mean, that’s all I want. Fun.
Anyhow, nights like this I busy myself with learning about France and when things seem dire, I turn to my Quirkyalone book because my Quirkyalone book understands me really well. And here, here is what it has to say about how I have been feeling tonight:
“In the wake of meeting someone who fulfills all our desired soul-mate qualities and yet does not deliver on his or her soul-mate potential, the quirkyalone goes through a crisis. A great gulf opens up between the contentedly single quirkyalone and the fixated one, who keeps replaying the same cinematic image from the beginning of the relationship over and over again . . . But if ‘the relationship’ is thwarted by awkward logistics, the initial image becomes fixed, like a record repeating. We all see the potential of that relationship held in one moment, and we can’t forget it.”
Yes yes yes. I feel like there is potential to go deeper with this and throw a little Kristeva in for good measure if you’re feeling cocky, but right now, just having that feeling articulated for me makes me feel significantly less like a loser for feeling it.
But anyhow. I know that tomorrow will be much better because tomorrow I am going adventuring and I will maybe do some baking and I will learn some more about France (learning about France is actually the bane of my existence right now, but I feel like if I just learn to embrace it as part of my current state of being for the next few weeks, I will somehow manage to muddle through)
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More on Clifton’s, because it needs to be said
February 17, 2008 by admin
The following is from a pamphlet that I picked up that details the history of the restaurant. I hadn’t had the chance to read it until just now. Italics are mine:
“Clifton’s Brookdale has served millions of people over the past 64 years with only some minor changes. The live organist and organ have been replaced by a moose and live plants with artificial.”
Just…amazing.
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Advanced adventures in lunching
February 16, 2008 by admin
So I finally got to Clifton’s Cafeteria today (I didn’t go last week because I was shacked up at home nursing my combination sore throat/plugged ear/
brokenslightly compromised but fixable heart – and I am pleased to report that I am almost all better except for my ears which remain useless), and let me tell you, it is a place where dreams come true (especially if your dreams involve animatronic racoons).I didn’t take pictures because it felt like church, or something. Like, if I took pictures it would be disrespectful. And this way you all have to come to Los Angeles and I can take you there to see it. And we will probably have a conversation that goes like this:
“Why are we here, Alexandra?”
“Well, obviously because this place is AMAZING.”
“Um, do my eyes deceive me, or do I see five different kinds of jello-based salad over there?”
“See what I mean? This place is AMAZING.”
“Why did you take me out for lunch to a place that took an hour and a half to get to on the bus, where we are now going to be served hospital food?”
“Hey, look at that raccoon!”
“I am never coming to visit you in California again.”But the food is not the point. The point is that the first two floors of this restaurant are decked out like to look like the redwood forest, with little trickling brooks and fake deer and fake trees and fake bears and a fake pheasant and the aforementioned raccoon. And then the third floor is a slightly dilapidated bus still amazingly awesome fancy deco-style dining room. (Also, the redwood setup reminded me a lot of the dearly departed Smurf village that they used to have at Canada’s Wonderland. Which clearly was the best thing at Wonderland.)
Anyhow, I had gone in planning to have mac and cheese (OBVIOUSLY) but they didn’t have any so instead I had an enchilada and some strawberry pie. The enchilada was really horrible. The strawberry pie was pretty great. Also, I appreciated the way the food was set up, because dessert was both first and last on the buffet. Unfortunately, they had different desserts available at the beginning and end of the buffet, which meant that the first thing I grabbed was the strawberry pie, and it wasn’t until I got to the end of the buffet that I discovered they also had PINEAPPLE pie (clearly amazing), and I wasn’t about to have two desserts so I was stuck with strawberry. But I saw this very clever woman who had three different kinds of pie and that’s it, so clearly that is what I will do next time.
Oh god! I have just found out that the 80-year-old lady who used to own the place was apparently murdered a couple of years ago for no reason. That’s depressing. Anyhow – you should probably go listen to this.
Oh, and look, someone else took pictures. These appear to be from Christmastime, when the place is decked out to be even more awesome.
Yay Clifton’s!
EDIT: I have just discovered that if it is your birthday and you let Clifton’s know two days in advance and have a party of four or more, they will give you a free cake. An entire cake. For free. And you get to pick what kind. This would have been nice information to have, oh, about a week and a half ago when it was my birthday. But whatever – the next time someone I know has a birthday I will clearly be throwing them the best party ever, and hopefully we can get the table right under the moose.
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Yum.
February 15, 2008 by admin
For dessert tonight there was chocolate cake. With raspberries. And chocolate sauce. Cake with raspberries and chocolate sauce wrapped in pastry. Alternatively, pastry stuffed with cake.
Sounds like cakepie to me.
Ok, now I am going to bed and I will sleep all night because I said to the doctor “My throat hurts so much that I haven’t slept through the night in a week,” and she said, “Here, go home and take some of this codeine.” Thank heavens for narcotics.
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