Superficiality

So, recently, an anonymous comment was left on my blog (an anonymous comment that I have subsequently deleted), basically implying that I am a superficial person and that my superficiality is what gets me through. I don’t know who posted it, but I do have my suspicions. If it’s not who I think it was, and was someone who was just making a joke that I grossly misinterpreted, then I’m sorry I’m mad at you, drop me an email and I’ll apologize. If it was who I think it was, you are a jerk and I have nothing to say to you, and you know who you are. But I’ve been bothered by that comment for days. I know that this blog mainly details fairly superficial things. I am not ignorant of this fact. But the reality is that I do not want to use it to explore the depths of my soul. And I do not want to use it to advance grand social or political causes. I have wrestled a lot with whether the way I use my blog should do more to acknowledge the privilege I have that allows me to use this public, online space to express myself. I wonder if I should be using this privilige to write more explicitly about more substantive things, about feminism, about anti-racism, about activism, about cultural critique, and about issues that are near and dear to my heart, but I have chosen not to do so in this space, at this time. There are a wide variety of reasons for this, but ultimately it comes down to the fact that I currently do not have the time and resources to do justice to such a project. I am also dealing with some long-standing, painful, personal issues regarding my own ability to feel confident and comfortable expressing a voice and voicing opinions, which cause me a great deal of angst and that I don’t want to go in to, and I really don’t feel like I am in a place where I am able to put myself out there in that way. Instead I live my beliefs, and I allow them to infuse my academic work, which is something that I take very, very seriously, and pour my heart and soul into. I am the kind of person who internalizes everything and takes everything to heart, and what I see going on in the world around me hurts me very deeply, and I just cannot talk about it here. In my academic work and in my everyday life, I like to think that I am far from superficial. And this is my space, and for me, writing here about what goes on in my life, in what I hope is a funny way, is a holiday, and helps me laugh at things, instead of being fucking depressed all the fucking time.

So if you think that posting a link to a cool blog about vintage home furnishings makes me superficial, you can go fuck yourself. Because I am going to carry on blogging about superficial things – about vintage dresses, and about really good coffee, and about adventures in Los Angeles, and about cute boys, and about movies music books art and anything I damn well think is awesome and hilarious.