1. The catering! The catering! What is the point of sending me an email on Friday that I don’t receive until the catering office closes telling me the payment hasn’t been received for the catering that is supposed to arrive at 8:00 am on Saturday? I submitted all the paperwork weeks ago, the catering has been paid for! How am I going to feed these people? (My mother’s helpful solution: buy a can of beans and give everyone a spoon. Gee, thanks mom.)
2. Drunk text messages from an ex! Why? I had just put you out of my head, and now you have weaseled your way back in!
3. Papers! When will I write all these papers!
The above, combined with the fact that I have killer cramps and need to fall asleep early so I can get up early and deal with the “wtf catering” issue, are exactly the justification I need to dip into my emergency supply of tylenol threes, left over from Deathly Sore Throat of Death back in February.
One hilarious thing, though: some fucking dipshit undergrads who were miffed that they were made to vacate the room that the conference was taking place in (a room that had been booked for purposes of this conference since JANUARY, much to the consternation of various punk-ass music majors who kept trying to steal it) had the following to say:
“It’s some lesbian conference. Run by a bunch of lesbians.”
(Note: Only two lesbians were in attendance today, and one hadn’t arrived yet.)
And then I went to the Grad Students Association office to drop off some paperwork and the fucking Black Panthers were there and tried to get me to buy their Black Panther newspaper for a dollar but I didn’t have any dollars, all I had was one ballpoint pen, so I was like “Sorry! I have no money. All I have in the world is this ballpoint pen.”
In conclusion, tomorrow night I am going to get royally hammered and then flirt with unsuitable men.
ADDENDUM – Reasons Why I Love School
I have just received the following homework assignment over email:
“Familiarize yourself with two key rap albums from Los Angeles, and be prepared to discuss the differences:
N.W.A., Straight Outta Compton (Ruthless Records, 1988) – West Coast ‘hard core’ rap
Dr. Dre, The Chronic (Interscope, 1991) – the ‘G-Funk’ sound, aka ‘gangsta rap’”
To be fair to the undergrads, there were three lesbians by the end of the day.
But who wants to be fair to the undergrads? Not me!