Oh, what a hilarious evening.
So, I volunteer with the American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre, which is kind of amazingly awesome because it means I get to hang out in this neat old building with funny people and then see movies for free. Tonight I was helping out with a screening of Athens, GA: Inside Out, which is a really fun movie that you should probably see. I mean, the B-52s feature prominently, therefore it is excellent. Also, there is a truly hilarious interview with Peter Buck from REM in which he is sitting in his pyjamas on his porch, and then takes us on a tour of his Elvis-themed bathroom. Also, I think the print on his pyjamas was either tiny little tanks or tiny little sombreros (I was so entranced in my attempt to identify the pyjama print that I am thinking of writing a dissertation titled: Shiny Happy Sombreros: The Mysterious Loungewear of Peter Buck). Also, this film has introduced me to the Flat Duo Jets, who are clearly amazing, and to Dexter Romweber, who forms one half of said band, and whose 1987 self is enigmatic in a way that really just makes me want to do him. Dangerous.
So, the Egyptian actually has two theatres in it, and the second, smaller theatre was being rented tonight for a premiere of what looks to be a truly awful new National Lampoon movie. And…guess who I saw attending the premiere! Phoebe Price! Phoebe Price who is famous for no reason other than she has decided to be famous and promotes herself thusly. Phoebe Price who is known only to me because she is a constant target of those sassy ladies over at Go Fug Yourself. Phoebe Price who appeared in the pilot episode of the X-Files as “woman with car.” It was possibly the most ridiculous celebrity sighting I could ever have had. And also Ron Jeremy was there, with a parade of women with fake breasts whom I now realize were probably porn stars. And then I said, “Indeed, it is an auspicious evening here in Hollywood,” and then we all laughed.
And last week I bought a Shangri-Las anthology and I’ve been listening to the Shangri-Las nonstop for a week, because the Shangri-Las are just so, so, so fantastic, but I think it has affected my thinking. Because all I want to do is have crushes on/make out with/run away from home with boys my parents won’t approve of, while wearing cute sweaters and well-coiffed hair. And tonight somebody asked me one of those hilarious questions that you tend to get when you say “I’m a musicologist:” what music do you think is the most moving and meaningful? And without even thinking about it or skipping a beat, I said “The Shangri-Las.” Which is just silly. We all know that the only proper answer to that question is Beethoven.*
ALSO: here is a thought to consider. Earnestness.** Is it possibly the antithesis of Sadsackness?
*Or Electric 6.
**Currently my favourite personality trait.
In OAC I did my poetry project on The Ballad of Reading Gaol. My project consisted mostly of me talking about The Importance of Being Earnest. One of the questions at the end of my presentation was “What does earnest mean?” And I am not a dictionary, so I gave a flimsy definition based on “honesty.” Then my teacher laughed and told me that I am honest, but I am not the least bit earnest. So I guess you don’t like me much.
No I like you a lot because what I realized this morning in the shower is this:
Earnestness is a quality that I enjoy in boys.
I do not want my ladyfriends to be earnest – I want my ladyfriends to be as bitter and jaded as I am. That way, we have things to talk about and drink about.
However, if Earnestness is the antithesis of Sadsackness, then Earnestness could be the key to eradicating the plague of Sadsackness that seems to be running rampant amongst our young men. Therefore Earnestness must be encouraged in the heterosexual, ironic-t-shirt-wearing males of the species, for I believe it will make them actually datable.
Question: am I a ladyfriend, or a boy? I can be earnest on occasion, but I’m damn good at bitter and jaded.
Anecdote: today an acquaintance asked me a hypothetical zombie-apocalypse-type question that involved picking a soundtrack for my inevitable dismemberment and consumption. I opted for “Rock Lobster,” which I believe surprised my interrogator.
Proposal: next year, you will have to act as my celebrity spotter, as I would not recognize most of the ones you find.
You occupy an interesting position. Obviously, you are a boy. However, you are not a boy who is in my available dating pool, and when I use the word boy, it is typically in reference to people in this pool. However, I don’t want to label you a lady, unless you choose to label yourself a lady, because, being a lady, I don’t want to speak out of turn and categorize you. So…be whoever you want to be. Follow your dreams.
I think “Rock Lobster” is a perfectly reasonable answer to a zombie-apocalypse question. I think that if someone asked me what the greatest rock band working today was, The B-52s would be my totally sincere, unironic answer. (The greatest rock band of all time is of course Sleater-Kinney, but they’re on indefinite hiatus.)
Also, when you clean the TA office in August please will you steal the Sleater-Kinney poster for me thank you.
Also, I am rethinking my stance on Earnestness, because I realized that you can be Earnest and still be a Sadsack, and that an Earnest Sadsack is probably the Saddest Sack of all.
(I came to this conclusion because I realized that the Original Sadsack – and if you know who I mean, well, you know who I mean – is pretty Earnest.)