Oh, the internet is the greatest thing. The internet allows me to transmit my hopes and dreams into a series of tubes, and then, on rare, sparkling occasions, actually finds people on the other end of those tubes who manage make my dreams come true. Once upon a time, I said on this blog, “gee, I wish I had a ticket for that sold-out B-52s concert,” and then, lo-and-behold, a member of the Grammy committee and friend of the late, great John Peel had one with my name on it. Once upon a two-days-ago, I said, “gee, I wish I had a ‘Mermaids for Layton’ button,” and just look at what that boy of Tanya’s slapped together for me:
Amazing.
Today I saw a bus that still had a lonely-looking X-Files 2 ad on it! And it reminded me of those halcyon days preceeding the 25th of July, 2008, when we still had hope. Hope that the X-Files movie would be not terrible. Ah yes, I remember those days. Those days before the world was introduced to Fox “Scratchy Beard” Mulder. Those days before our dreams were shattered by a movie about Russian doctors harvesting people’s organs. But at least we will always have Mulder and Scully in a rowboat. Forever.
And also there are funny billboards with David Duchovny’s face on them all over the city, advertising the new season of Californication. Apparently he won the Golden Globe for best actor for the last season, which seems highly improbable because, well, who knew anyone was watching that show? Even I wasn’t, and Fox Mulder is my second-best friend! (Dana Scully is my first-best friend, and Walter Skinner is my third-best friend. And Diana Fowley is my Number Two Worst Enemy, right after Karl Lagerfeld.) So as I contemplated David Duchovny’s face as my bus was stopped at a red light on Sunset today, I got to thinking. I have been living in Los Angeles for an entire year, and I have yet to even make out with David Duchovny, Sex Addict. (An aside: Why is it that in the media coverage of David’s sex addiction not one person has mentioned the scene in Trust the Man where David actually goes to Sex Addicts Anonymous and says “I am a sex addict. I enjoy rubbing cold cuts all over my naked body”? Oh, wait: because nobody else saw that movie.) Clearly I need to up my game. So, in the interests of upping my game, I have purchased an eyelash curler and have started referring to my bathroom exclusively as the “Powder Room.” How these two things will succeed in helping me to up my game has yet to be determined. But, you know, good things come to those with very curly eyelashes who wait in powder rooms. Or something.
I still can’t BELIEVE how depressing that X-Files movie was. I need to watch it again, just to make sure. And even I didn’t see Trust the Man.
Nobody ever made me a Mermaids for anything button.
I saw the most amazing chandelier/lamp thing last night and I offered the home owners $20 + a new light fixture because you NEED to have it in your house. It was like a pretty hanging bunch of green and orange ceramic flowers hanging from the ceiling and the daffodils had those little chandelier light bulbs growing from inside the flowers and it was clearly STRAIGHT out of 1967 and one of those pieces that you have to keep looking at because it’s hard to know whether it’s the most beautiful thing ever or the most hideous thing ever. APPARENTLY they didn’t give it to me.
Also, what is WITH my writing convention in the above comment?
There are plenty of people that watch Californication. I’m one of them and i love the show. Duchovny is terrific as well as the rest of the cast. Give it a try before you knock it.
Well, Janie, the last time I checked, I was not knocking Californication in the above post (because I haven’t seen it, so how can I knock it?) but was employing hyperbole and sarcasm for rhetorical effect, while also subtly mocking the career of David Duchovny – a career that has included a lot of great stuff but also a substantial amount of cinematic drivel – while, in turn, simultaneously expressing lust and admiration for him. So, in sum, relax.
Tanya, I’m sorry nobody ever made you a mermaid button, but you do have somebody who makes you nice little boxed lunches. And also please will you photograph that light fixture for me so that I can make my own out of twigs and leaves?
David Duchovny sex addict. Is his wife complaining? Cos I’m not sure I would… and I really don’t think you would
Well, apparently he cheated on his wife, so I guess she’s complaining about that. I’m actually kind of pissed at him – as one who has been cheated on, there’s nothing I hate more than people who lie. Luckily, I am capable of remarkable, delusional, mental leaps and am able to have feelings towards Mulder that are completely distinct from my feelings for David Duchovny – so Mulder will always be my best friend.