Oh my god, I think that today I met the perfect man. He had a beard (an A+ exemplar beard amongst beards, the perfect beard that all beards should aspire to), he appears to be a politically engaged in a non-smacktivist way, and most importantly, when he saw the button I was wearing, we had this exchange:
“Your Unicorns for Obama button almost made me cry. Where did you get it?”
“Oh, you know, the internet.”
“Oh, man. The internet is, like, my best friend.”
Sources report that he has a girlfriend. And thus I have decided that this gentleman merely appeared to me in an illusory form. He is like the unicorn, that is to say, he is a creature from mythology, and thus somewhat “existence challenged,” if you will. He was real, but only in the realm of my wildest imaginations. (Unless he breaks up with that girl.)
Or perhaps a hologram, in the manner of Will.i.am on CNN earlier this evening.
He must know that beards are the new black.
ahahahahaha that hologram will go down in history!
That hologram might actually have been the greatest part of last night’s proceedings. Sample dialogue from the party I was at re: hologram:
“Where do you think he’s being hologrammed in from?”
“SPACE. He is in space.”
“Like, on a planet? He can’t just be floating around, can he? Does he have magnetic boots?”
“Yes. He TOTALLY has magnetic boots.”
I’m so bummed that the online stream I was watching had no hologram!