I have just begun work on my next Great Social Experiment. Today I was at the Pride parade, and managed to pick up two coupons for burritos from Chipotle. So, I could have lunch twice, for free. Or I could post this on Craigslist:
“Dear Gentlemen of Los Angeles,
I totally scored two coupons for free burritos at Chipotle and at first I was all like “Sweet, two free lunches.” But then I had a moment of inspired genius when I realized that my two lunches were really the equivalent of one date. SO! One of you, Gentlemen of Los Angeles, will be selected for the dubious distinction of joining me for a 2000 calorie burrito! It will be so totally awesome, and if we don’t have terrible gas afterwards, we can so TOTALLY MAKE OUT. All you have to do is match the following criteria:
1. Be between the ages of 24-34, approx.,
2. Like burritos,
3. Like glasses-wearing redheads,
4. Have at least a passing interest in any of the following: post-punk; Battlestar Galactica; the literary oevre of Jeffrey Brown, Daniel Clowes, or Ariel Schrag; public transit; googie architechture; science fiction movies with giant spiders, laser guns, scientists, and tesla coils in them.
Bonus points if you happen to have a beard.
Game on!
Location: Dreaming of carne asada in WeHo”
It is important to note here that the likelihood that I will respond to any replies I might get is slim to nil; I would probably rather have lunch by myself (seeing as how I am a dried up old spinster) or with, like, an awesome ladyfriend. HOWEVER, this is a scientific opportunity that must not be passed up, and I promise to post a selection of the greatest hits from the replies that I get.
In other news:
While I was riding the bus home yesterday, I was listening to “Enjoy the Silence,” and, you know the part that goes “all I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here, in my arms”? Well, at that moment, I looked down and noticed that there, in my arms, were 60 final exams that I had to grade. AH YES.
OH, and as I was writing this, I got my first response. Let’s see what bachelor number one has to say:
“hey there 28 year old single male here that luvvvsss chiptole…but luvs making out more..if your real and like what you see send over your pic and lets chat on here or on the phone and see if we cant make this happen.talk to you soon
The internet never, ever lets me down.
8 Comments
Nava says: Wow!
Shayna says: Wow!
Tanya says: Yeah!
I don’t know…I don’t trust a boy who doesn’t use apostrophes (or proper grammar in general). And it really irritates me when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re. But I approve of this science experiment.
Well obviously I don’t trust such a boy either and I think that reply is the second worst thing that was ever written in the history of the human race. (The worst is The Old Man and the Sea.) But the entire point of this science experiment is to see how awful and dumb Internet Citizens can possibly be!
You are my hero (just thought you should know)
I would never have been awesomely creative enough to think to do this with free burrito coupons. This is an excellent idea.
This is the best idea I have ever heard. The only thing that would make it better is if you set up a video camera in front of your face as you read the responses you get from the internet. DO IT DO IT DO IT.
Though I heartily disagree with eating anything from Chipotle, regardless of its freeness (I made that mistake once), this is quite possibly the best social experiment conducted since the Stanford prison one. And we all know how successful that one was. I mean, right? TRUTH AND WOMANHOOD went into the production of that ad.
I am ideologically opposed to going out to any form of lunch with someone who uses “your” when they should use “you’re.”
Just thought I’d put my oar in.
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