It has been brought to my attention that, rather than providing you with general observations on entire dinosaur species, it might be more informative to get up close and personal with individual dinosaurs, to hear, in their own words, about the ins and outs of dinosaurian life.
Dinosaur of the Day: Helen, Stegosaurus
Most awesome feature/superpower: Helen says, “Well, it’s a toss up between the back plates and the tail spikes. The back plates are really helpful for letting off heat and cooling down. Sometimes that hot, prehistoric sun can really get a girl down. On the other hand, the tail spikes are really good for smashing skulls. Hmm. Yeah. It’s gotta be the tail spikes.”
Fun fact: Stegosaurian tail spikes are actually referred to as Thagomizers, a term coined by Gary Larson, a true genius of our time.
Even awesomer physical feature: Helen got defensive when I asked about her body size to brain ratio. “Just because I’m the size of a bus and have a brain the size of a walnut doesn’t mean I’m an idiot, you know. And I have feelings. I may be cold blooded, but I’ve got a heart, goddammit. A less level-headed dinosaur might not take that kind of insensitivity in stride, “ she said, her Thagomizer stirring ominously. And then Helen taught me something I didn’t know about Stegosauruses, something that, in my opinion, might be even awesomer than Thagomizers. “And we’ve got that second brain, you know.” She said it like it was nothing. Surprised, I asked what she was talking about. “Well, it’s at the base of our spinal cords. It controls reflexes for our back ends. And it’s TWENTY TIMES BIGGER than our walnut brains. So there.” Um, awesome!
What exactly is a stego? Helen told me that the name stegosaurus has its origins in the debate over what those back plates were for. “See, some paleontologists think we can move them. Like, to arm one side of our body or the other if there’s some big dumb Allosaurus trying to take a bite. So the name means “roof lizard,” because apparently they thought the plates were like a roof. I think it’s a stupid name. I’m lobbying the scientific community to change it to ‘plurimus-mirusaurus.’ Which means ‘most wonderful lizard.’ It would be much more appropriate.”
So, do the back plates actually move? “Damned if I’m telling! That’s a trade secret.”
So, how did it feel to be named the official State Dinosaur of Colorado? “States have official dinosaurs?”
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