Dinosaur(s) of the day (and also of yesterday): Brontosaurus and Apatosaurus!

A BRONTOSAURS SPEAKS: “I, personally, identify as a Brontosaurus,” said Rachel, “and I am just so sick and tired of all of these scientists and the popular media trying to pin an identity on me that isn’t one that I’ve chosen for myself.  They just don’t understand.  Just because you’ve got a long neck, doesn’t mean you fit in with those Apatosauruses.

“It used to be easier.  It used to be that the sauropod community was fairly evenly split between Brontosaurus-identified and Apatosaurus-identified.  But all of a sudden it wasn’t cool to be a Brontosaurus anymore.  And to be an Apatosaurus was suddenly so hip.  It’s like everyone watched some PBS documentary on Othniel Charles Marsh, was all like, ‘Dude, maybe those Apatosauruses are on to something,’ and jumped ship.  And it’s become so political – like, identifying as Brontosaurus leads people to one whole set of assumptions – that you’re old-fashioned, behind the times, enjoy playing crokinole, voted for Harper – while those fucking Apatosauri are supposedly so ahead of the curve, so liberal, such revolutionary thinkers.  Well, if they’re so cutting edge, why can’t they accept that not everyone wants to be the same?  I mean, give me a break.  And those old stereotypes about us Brontos – it’s just plain not true.  I mean, I voted NDP in the last election.  I buy organic lettuce.  Arugula, even.”

AN APATOSAURUS SPEAKS: “Dinosaurs like Rachel are the reason we haven’t been able to establish any sort of effective political voice for herbivore sauropods,” complained Martin, a self-identified Apatosaurus.  “The Apatosaurus community has been actively working to fight carnivore hegemony.  But we can’t move any further ahead unless we can establish a unified front.  Those ‘Brontosauruses’ are all so worried about maintaining their stupid ‘traditions,’ about upholding customs that are completely obsolete and have no place in contemporary dinosaur society.  And, I mean, we’re willing to compromise.  We’re willing to make allowances, to let ‘Brontosauruses’ hold on to their cultural identity, while encouraging them to become part of the larger Apatosaurus community.  It’s really for their benefit, but they don’t get it.  They’ve been fighting us all the way.

“I mean, ultimately what it comes down to is this:  When the Allosaurus attack happens, and believe me, it will happen, do we want to be fragmented?  Do we want to be scattered across the jungle in disorganized, ineffective packs?  Or do we want to be unified?  Do we want to stand together, and stand strong, and defend each other?  Yeah.  I thought so.”

SCIENCE SPEAKS: So, the Brontosaurus was “discovered” by Othneil Charles Marsh in 1879.  He’d discovered the Apatosaurus two years prior, but because the supposed Brontosaurus skeleton was smaller and incomplete, he assumed it was a new dinosaur, and he sort of filled in the blanks in the skeleton from bones that were apparently just sort of lying around.  In 1903, science noticed the error, and decided to stick with the name Apatosaurus, but the name Brontosaurus somehow made it into the popular imagination.

STAY TUNED TOMORROW: for a voice from the margins.  The voice of the dinosaur whose head was mistakenly stuck on an Apatosaurus skeleton when March made his Brontosaurus, and who has lived with the stigma of this mistaken identity ever since.  Have your box of tissues at the ready for the tragic tale of Camarasaurus.

Brontosaurus?

Apatosaurus?