OMG OMG!  Some people got a ticket to the premiere of The White Stripes:  Under the Great White Northern Lights at TIFF on Friday!  Some people asked me for a White Stripes makeover!  (So what this means is:  yes, I do take requests.)

I like the White Stripes because I have a soft spot for crazy, potentially egomaniacal artist-types who never say anything that makes sense (see also:  David Lynch).  And I like the White Stripes because I sort of appreciate Meg White’s extraordinary rudimentary approach to the drums, which seems to be based largely on hitting things really hard and flailing, which is kind of what I am like when I play the drums (ie:  the two times in my life when I have been entrusted with/allowed to touch the drums).  But what I really, really like is the way they really sleekly bring in rockabilly and 60’s garage rock influences that sound really tight but are enveloped in a wash of feedback.  I love giant masses of feedback and distortion.  I think I told someone once that I find it really relaxing to listen to, and then was told that I’m crazy.

Anyhow, Tanya sent me this clip, and I think you can really hear that stuff in it.  And I think there’s something in particular about “You’re Pretty Good Looking” that   makes it sound like the 60’s garage bands that are in all of those Frankie and Annette movies.  (And also starting at about 1 minute in, the chord progression is pretty much exactly the same as the bridge of the Shoop Shoop song.)

But what should Tanya wear when she goes to seduce Jack White???

Well, a red dress obviously.  And, pardon my French, but I fucking love this particular red dress:

(from Thrush, on Etsy)

And it’s perfect, because it’s got just enough of a rockabilly sensibility to be totally cute and retro without being all costumey.

And I don’t know if you’ve seen pictures of Jack White recently, but right now he sort of has this, like, cowboy steampunk thing going on, right?  And he’s always wearing really good hats, right?  Like this:

So I think a hat and suspenders are totally necessary.  You can’t wear suspenders with a dress, but you can wear this:

(From AudraJean, on Etsy.  Also, Audi has a blog that I really love.)

And also I found you these hats.  I can’t decide which one is best.  I guess it all depends on how badly you want to sleep with Jack White:

(From Babydeeere, on Etsy)

(from Rock Zombie Oldies, also Etsy)

And my Secretboyfriend John Fluevog recommends these: