Why everything is so annoying, explained

I have this new theory that there exists a finite amount of self-esteem in the world, along with a finite amount of self-awareness.  The problem we have now is that all of the world’s self-esteem is in the possession of the kind of people who don’t deserve to have it, while the people who do deserve some self-esteem are instead saddled with so much self-awarness that they are totally neurotic.  This explains why I have so many friends who are brilliant geniuses but who don’t realize that they are brilliant geniuses because they are too busy being self-critical, while irritating, obnoxious people feel great about themselves while remaining blissfully unaware of how irritating and obnoxious they are.

And speaking of self-doubt, a funny thing happend the other day when I was looking up ficus tree care on the internet.  I have a third roommate, who you might not know about, and my third roommate is Doctor Ficus Johnson (Ph.D. in Ficology), who is a rather lovely tree that moved in after a friend moved out of town and left Doctor Ficus Johnson to us.  And because I care, I wanted to check and make sure I was watering Ficus enough.  And there, at the top of ficustree.com, it asked “Do you have what it takes to care for a ficus?”  and then I wondered, “What if I don’t?  What if I don’t even have what it takes to care for a ficus?  Jesus Christ, what’s going to happen to me if I can’t even take care of a ficus?”  And then I realized that I was being an idiot.

No dress post for yesterday, sorry – I was too busy spending seven hours deciding which Frankie and Annette movie I want to include on my list for my Special Field exams.