‘Angst’ Category

  1. Dear the Baby Jesus,

    December 21, 2008 by ms. xandra

    I don’t actually believe in you or anything, but since your birthday (or “birthday”?) is coming up I just thought I’d say thank you.

    Thank you for all of my friends who are lovely and amazing and nice to me and send me messages to cheer me up when I am being sad and angsty. Thank you for friends who tell me I can call anytime, and thank you for friends who promise me New York snowballs. Thank you also for fabulous ladyfriends who are still in town and respond to my statement of “I need to go do something completely mindless and distracting” by going to see James Bond with me. (A little Daniel Craig for what ails you.)

    Ok, now I am going to see a Swedish Teenage Vampire movie with another fabulous ladyfriend.

    Love,
    Alexandra

    PS: Thank you also for knit tights from H&M.

    Category Angst, Fashion! | Tags: | 2 Comments

  2. Damn you, holidays/time zones

    December 20, 2008 by ms. xandra

    I just really need for somebody to tell me that I am not awkward and weird and hopeless or for somebody to tell me that I’m awkward and weird and hopeless but that it’s ok to be awkward and weird and hopeless but everybody is either gone away for the holidays, or is in the wrong time zone and therefore unphoneable (although it’s almost 2 am here so even if you are in the right time zone, we’re way past the point where phoning is appropriate) or both.

    Hello, my name is Alexandra, and I am clearly a lost cause.  And also I have a tummy ache.  Probably this will turn out like that horrible Bette Davis movie where she gets a headache and then dies.

    Category Angst | Tags: | 6 Comments

  3. Please can I spend the rest of the quarter sitting around, drinking tea, and listening to the Marvelettes?

    November 23, 2008 by ms. xandra

    I feel like I have nothing good to say, but since it’s been a long time since I posted because everything has been so busy, I feel like I should say things anyhow.

    Hey, guess what!  I finally got to see Cute With Chris Live after all these years of trying to get tickets.  And it was great.  There were only seven people in the audience including myself, which was sad, but kind of good because it meant that afterwards I got to shake the hand of The Man Himself and tell him that I liked his little internet show.  But he seemed really bummed that nobody came and apologized for it being so lame and I was all like, it totally wasn’t lame, Chris Leavins, I mean, you introduced me to this clip of a contestant in the Miss Arizona pageant playing the Star Wars theme on a trumpet (badly) and also you were really funny and awesome and I like your white suit.  And the show was really thoughtful and sweet, and a really interesting meditation on the internet as mass media and as a vehicle that connects people, and I just liked it quite a bit.  If any LA friends feel like checking it out, I’d probably go see it again, because, as former Fringe Festival Co-Maven, I like to support good performance art when I can find it.

    And after Cute With Chris I got a Guiness Milkshake!  And a giant cheeseburger.

    Last night I had a horrible dream wherein I was making out with that sociopath I dated last year, and as a result I have been thinking depressed thoughts about the past all day, BUT THEN!  I saw this, which Carly posted, and it made me SO HAPPY because it is pretty wonderful:

    And I shall close with a tip to all of you budding undergraduate plagiarists out there:  if you are going to cut and paste stuff from a website into your paper, at least change the typeface so that everything matches, ok?  It is also a good idea to remove links to other Wikipedia articles.

    Category Angst, Awesome, Food, Los Angeles | Tags: | 6 Comments

  4. Dear person who said this to me:

    September 25, 2008 by ms. xandra

    “Musicology?  What are you ever going to do with that?  Open up a dinky little sheet music store?”

    Why don’t you go fuck yourself.

    Truly, madly, deeply, yours,

    Alexandra, who has had a very long day.

    Category Angst, Musicology | Tags: | 4 Comments

  5. I’d like to stay and try my first champagne

    September 18, 2008 by ms. xandra

    I bought fifteen yards of orange chiffon and then made curtains.  They are lovely.  And orange.  And chiffony.  And on Friday we’re going to the Singalong Sound of Music at the Hollywood Bowl!  I have decided to dress up as drunk Liesel.  This will involve wearing a dress and drinking (cheap) champagne out of a bottle with a straw and then singing loudly, out of tune.

    And fuck, how is it almost three am?  I have been cutting back my caffeine intake exactly to avoid this “three am and I am blogging rather than asleep” scenario!  I only had one giant americano today!

    I am going to leave you with this sad, mopey song lyric (from “Sand in Your Eyes,” by Twilight Hotel, which is currently my favourite sad song by a sad, Canadian cowboy band) because it is beautiful and sad and really sums up my current state of mind regarding some stuff:

    Cynics recovering from chances we took,

    Our hearts are just things in anatomy books,

    It takes a failure to learn where to hide your desire.

    Category Angst, Coffee | Tags: | No Comments

  6. In which things start off well and rapidly descend into despair

    September 14, 2008 by ms. xandra

    1.  The Good Sir Baltimore and I have been painting and decorating and our apartment is fucking beautiful!  It is not quite done but I will put pictures up somewhere when it is – currently I am waiting for this to arrive in the mail and it will be the icing on my bedroom.

    2.  So, the definition of quirkyalone is “a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple,” and generally that has really pretty exactly characterised how I feel.  But for some reason, just this week, I’ve felt completely, irrationally opposed to the idea of ever being in a relationship, ever.  (Illustrative example:  So, Cute Earnest Barista told me to come to that show, right?  Which could have been interpreted as an expression of interest, right?  As a result, I have now begun avoiding Cafe Audrey.  Which is stupid and too bad, because I do really like it there and I’ve been thinking of actually getting my act together and playing at one of their open mic nights.)  But the really weird thing is that I’m stuck between feeling totally ok with this and really liberated and feeling kind of hopelessly depressed, but not for any normal reasons that make sense.    Anyhow, I don’t know.  Whatever.  School will start in a week or so and then I’ll be teaching and busy and I really do much better when I am superlatively busy and don’t have hours of navel-gazing time.

    3.  Today we volunteered at the phone bank trying to convince Californians to vote no on Proposition 8, which is a stupid, hateful proposition that will be on the ballot in California this November and that, if passed, will reverse the recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in the state.  And it turns out that cold-calling people was surprisingly less agonizing than I thought it would be, mostly because nobody answers their phone, and because I luckily didn’t end up stuck talking to any jackasses.  But the thing that shocks me was that most people did not even know that this issue was going to be on the ballot.  I can’t even vote here, and I am more aware than most of the people I talked to, all of whom were registered voters.  I just think it’s weird.  And discouraging.  And kind of frightening, really.

    4.  Other things sure to depress:  war, famine, pestilence, death, the David Foster Wallace thing even though I’ve never actually read any of his books, horrific train accidents, and, on a far, far more trivial, flippant note, the remake of The Women, because what is the point of remaking perfection and replacing Norma Shearer with Meg Ryan and Joan Crawford with Eva Mendes?

    So then I drank the last of the shiraz straight out of the bottle, watched some totally depressio X-Files episodes, and went to bed.

    Category Angst, Apartment, Politics | Tags: | 2 Comments

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