1. If you see a lot of me in real life, then you have probably heard me rail about the Mysterious Objects that are constantly appearing in front of my apartment building. If you do not see me regularly, then allow me to ‘splain. Mysterious Objects! Mysterious Objects large and small! They are constantly appearing in front of my apartment building. This has been going on since we moved in.
The items usually stick around for a few days, sometimes up to a week or two. At first, if an item was particularly large, I would let it sit there and annoy me for a few days, and then I would file a large item garbage pickup request with the city. However, I quickly learned that this was an exercise in futility because no sooner would the item be picked up when something else would appear. To wit: the first large Mysterious Object to appear was a bedframe. It sat there innocuously for a few days, and then soon the neighbours started dumping other crap on it: bags of garbage, a broken mirror, even some literal crap! Yes, friends, honest to god crap, in the form of a bag of used cat litter, upended on the bedframe. And so I reported it for pickup, and it was taken away, only to be promptly replaced with a crappy particle board desk, which, eventually, was replaced by a crappy particle board desk that looked like someone had backed a car into it.
So I have stopped attempting to solve the problem of the Mysterious Objects, which, since the bedframe, have included such treasures as an extremely large cat tree, a pair of sparkly pink hi-tops, a Barbie dreamhouse, a dresser, a dead tree in a pot, and, weirdly, a dozen croissants and a loaf of garlic bread. But I have decided that this phenomenon needs documentation, and so, voila, I have created The Detritus of Postmodernity (because who do we want to invoke at a time like this? Frederic Jameson, that’s who), a twitter account through which I will be documenting each item as it appears. I tried my best to reconstruct the chronology of things that have appeared over the past few months, and, starting with today’s item, a weird, outdoor fireplace/cheminea type thingy made out of paving stones (which is now the official mascot of the Detritus of Postmodernity) I will be photographing all items for posterity.
Et voila! Finally a productive use for the information superhighway!
2. Here is a mathematical equation I can really get behind:
ONE package of coconut luau dessert mix
PLUS:
SIX tiny baking pans shaped like roasted chickens
EQUALS:
SIX tiny, gelatinous, coconut chickens.
