‘Books’ Category

  1. Things I learned from Girl Annual, 1963

    October 20, 2011 by ms. xandra

    Can you imagine my delight when, at the South Bank Book Market, I discovered a copy of the 1963 Girl Annual?  I had promised myself not to buy any books while abroad (they are heavy!) but I promptly dispensed with that solemn vow within less than a week of arriving in London. (because you can ship them home!  That’s what the Royal Mail is for, right?)

    Anyhow.  I am so excited about my copy of the Girl Annual, that, were it possible, I would join the cover girl and stand on the top of a ski slope and grin until I was red in the face.

     

    There is SO MUCH to learn from Girl Annual!  There is something for everyone!  Just look at the table of contents!  There is ballet, there are adventures, there are romantic castles!  You can learn about stenciled cushion covers, romantic castles, and fencing!  And somebody named Monsieur Potato!  (Spoiler:  sadly, Monsieur Potato is not a story about Mr. Potato-Head’s adventures in Paris, but is, instead, about Louis XVI thinking potatoes are a good idea.)

     

     

    But let’s see what else we can learn from Girl Annual, shall we?

     

     

    Eilly Bowers, Pioneer Millionaress!  Pioneers and millionaresses, these are categories that I assume to be mutually exclusive, based on my elementary school history classes and childhood love of Laura Ingalls Wilder, both of which taught me that pioneering was shitty because you were always living in rudimentary houses made of sticks or eating salt meat or dying of dysentery and/or consumption.  But now I have learned, from Girl Annual, that one can live the dream of a Little House on the Prairie, while also enjoying modern conveniences such as millions of dollars!

     

     

    I read this story, and it is less about masks than it is about hairpieces.  Basically the story is:  Sandra is shy.  She goes to the masquerade and acts like her True Self that She Has Hidden All of These Years because she is in disguise so nobody knows that it is her!  BUT THEN it turns out that she forgot to put on her wig, and everyone knew it was her all along because of her curly hair, and they ALL LIKED HER ANYHOW.  What can we learn from Sandra’s story?  We can learn that I need another glass of wine before I read more Girl Annual.

     

    Instruments of the world!  For the Girl who wants to be an ethnomusicologist.  My favorite is the horn player.  The caption reads “European playing a French Horn.”  I hope they mean European in the euphemistic sense, as in “his predilection for bowties and good grooming seems awfully…European.”

     

     

    Clearly this story needs a subtitle, and that subtitle needs to be “A TALE OF TERROR by Stephen King.”

     

    And speaking of Tales of Terror!  Do you know what more publications need today?  They need drippy horror movie font.  I love drippy horror movie font.  Back when I used to sing in a church choir in undergrad, the church ladies were having a tube sock drive for the homeless.  And the poster for this event was done in drippy horror movie font.  ”TUBE SOCK DRIVE:  A TALE OF TERROR.”  Anyhow, good font, well done, Girl Annual.

     

    YES!  I am very excited to learn about America’s first SPACE GIRL!  I want to be America’s first space girl!  Hey, Girl Annual, tell us what it takes to become America’s first space girl!

    How to become a Space Girl:  Get frozen in carbonite.

     

    And speaking of ethnomusicologists!

    This picture needs a new caption.  Here, I have thought of one:  Peggy Seeger has giant monster hands.  Her husband, Ewan MacColl, is from Williamsburg and plays in some band you’ve never heard of.

     

    And no girl-oriented publication would be complete without a teen hearthrob!  Like…Burt Lancaster.  Who would have been a young, virile 50-year-old in 1963.  Nothing creepy here.  Moving along.

     

    But, really, no girl-oriented publication would be complete without an important lesson about fashion that makes us feel inadequate!  Thanks, Girl Annual, for showing me that all girls, fat and thin, can all feel vaguely ashamed of our bodies TOGETHER!

    Category Awesome, Books | Tags: | No Comments

  2. Breaking Cheese Carrot Update! Also, new years resolutions?

    December 28, 2010 by ms. xandra

    Hello my friends and darlings, how are you?  I am particularly excellent right now because I have finally answered a question that has plagued myself and several of my compatriots for time immemorial (ie:  since last May).  That question is:  what actually goes in a Cheese Carrot?  But we will get to that in a second.  First!  I am hereby announcing my new years resolutions!  I do not ordinarily make resolutions, but these are things that have been on my mind for some time so I feel like January is as good a time as any to implement them.

    RESOLUTION 1:  Blog more.  To that end, I have a new foolhardy project, which I will detail below!  Also, I will blog more at Blogging.LA because I don’t post as much as I ought to and I feel guilty about it.

    RESOLUTION 2:  Come up with a post-Ph.D. life plan.  I feel like now is a pretty good time to be doing this, since I’ve got about 2 years left of grad school if things go well, so I can start putting things in place.  The deal is:  I like academia.  I like it a lot.  I like learning and I like teaching and I like writing.  I am not totally burnt out on it yet.  I will totally finish my degree, and I will totally take a stab at finding an academic job.  HOWEVER, the reality is that there are fewer and fewer good jobs in academia.  So, rather than become one of those people who doggedly and futilely pursue non-existent tenure-track jobs, and find themselves living on ramen at age 40, I want to start thinking NOW about what I can do to get a job outside of academia, and, if possible, start doing things now that will make that possible.  This could take some doing, as my curent skill set is not, how you say, easily marketable.  And this is where, you, my friends, come in!  I have a few ideas about things I could potentially do, but I would like to know:  have you ever thought to yourself “Gee, that Alexandra would make a really good (insert profession here)”?  Because I am curious as to what other people think I would be good at.  WARNING:   If you say that I will be a good lumberjack or a good rabbi (both actual career suggestions that were recommended to me by a computerized aptitude test in high school) you will be disqualified.  Also, while I have entertained both “society wife” and “high-class call girl” as options, I feel that these positions would not truly play to my strengths.

    AND NOW CHEESE CARROTS.

    So, as you may recall, I made a cheese- and gelatin-based monstrosity last spring, for research purposes.  It was based on a recipe that I vaguely recalled from a 1947 recipe book by one Mrs. Meta Given, the Betty Crocker of Pittsburgh,   that I found in a book sale in a church basement.    As of last spring, the book was in my parents’ basement in Canada, and I was in Los Angeles, so I had to reconstruct the recipe from memory.  I remembered that it involved cheese, carrots, gelatin, and parsley, and I remembered that it was pretty unfortunate, and based on these remembrances, I attempted to recreate it.  And now, here I am in Canada, where I have finally excavated the actual cookbook from my parents basement and I present for you the genuine, 100% authentic and true Meta Given Cheese Carrot Recipe!

    (Please excuse the poor photo quality – these are taken with my phone because, alas, my camera got lost or stolen at LAX.  Because of the un-stellar quality, I shall transcribe below.)

    CHEESE CARROTS

    1/2 tsp plain gelatin

    1 tbsp cold water

    1/4 pimiento cheese spread(editor’s note: OH GOD WHAT COULD THIS BE???  Ok, maybe it is not so bad?)

    1/8 tsp salt

    Dash of Worcestershire sauce (editor’s note:  it’s the Worcestershire sauce that really elevates this from mere cooking to cuisine.)

    1/3 cup freshly grated carrots

    Parsley

    Soften gelatin in cold water for 5 minutes.  Melt over hot water.  Cool slightly.  Blend with pimiento cheese, salt, and Worcestershire sauce.  Chil just enough to stiffen slightly.  Divide into 1/2 teaspoon portions.  Roll each portion of cheese into a cone shape, then roll in the grated carrots until generously coated with carrot.  Place on a waxed paper and chill until firm.  Stick a small spring of parsley in the end of each.  Makes about 20.

    So…this is both less horrible and more horrible than what I remembered it being.  I was not THAT far off, however, and I do think that the use of cheese spread is better than the grated cheese that I used.  However, it pleases me that the gelatin is not as large a component as I thought it was because that means that making a vegetarian version of these is much more feasible.

    The cookbook this comes from – Meta Given’s Modern Encyclopedia of Cooking – is a source of magic and wonder.  And also, as evidenced by th above,  horror.  And so, I have decided to embark on an extended journey with this cookbook, to really get to know the ins and outs of mid-century American cuisine.  So what I am going to do is make a recipe from Meta Given’s Modern Encyclopedia of Cooking once a week.  This is not going to be some Julie and Julia thing where I cook my way through the entire entire book because, honestly, I would like to emerge from this with my life and my stomach lining both intact, so I will be picking and choosing my recipes depending on what I can stand.  I can tell you right now that I will not be making ANYTHING from page 445:

    Prune milk, sage milk, tomato buttermilk, tomato milk…strangely enough, these have limited appeal.

    But there are plenty of other things in this book that are equally silly and about half as disgusting.  So stay tuned!  Sunday Dinner with Mrs. Given will start some time in the new year!

    Because of the un-stellar quality, I shall transcribe:

    Category Academe, Books, Food | Tags: | No Comments

  3. Reading list for ladies sitting around in pyjamas with their hair in beehives on Saturday nights:

    November 29, 2009 by ms. xandra

    1.  Nuala O’Faolain, Are You Somebody? (Vaguely depressing memoir in tradition of Angela’s Ashes and the like, only better because it was written by a feminist.)

    2.  Elaine Dundy, The Old Man and Me (Even better than the Dud Avocado, because this one involves a very subtle attempt to murder somebody.)

    3.  Lee Israel, Can You Ever Forgive Me? (Ok, so I haven’t actually read this yet, but I bought a copy for three dollars from the scuffed book sale on campus the other day, and it is obviously going to be wonderful because it is the autobiography of a woman who had a successful career as a biographer, but then became not-so-successful, and so supplemented her income by creating elaborate and realistic fake letters from people like Noel Coward and Louise Brooks and Dorothy Parker, until one day, she was charged with fraud.  SOUNDS GREAT.)

    4.  Arthur Marwick, British Society Since 1945 (NO, REALLY.  Marwick was apparently something of an alcoholic womanizer, so reading this book is kind of like hanging out with a drunk, curmudgeonly old man who is telling you all about what it was like after the war, and is only not hitting on you because you are his niece.  I realize this is not exactly something that sounds like a ringing endorsement, but it turns what would otherwise be just another boring chapter about how bacon was still being rationed in 1954 into a slightly hilarious jaunt.)

    5.  Nicole J. Georges, Invicible Summer, vols. 1 and 2 (Collected editions of the Invincible Summer zines.  Wonderful and lovely and full of beautiful drawings of animals and advice on growing your very own beehive.)

    Category Books | Tags: | No Comments

  4. Books and also other lovely things

    August 12, 2009 by ms. xandra

    Today I heard an interview on Writers and Company on the good ol’ CBC with Nuala O’Faolain, an Irish writer who sadly died last year, and who I had never heard of.  And now I want to go out and track down her books, because clearly she is a spintersly kindred spirit.  She said this, which is SO EXACTLY RIGHT (and I went and downloaded the podcast of the interview so I could remember it, and you should go listen to, because O’Faolain is lovely and hilarious):

    “I used open my bottle of wine at 6:00 pm on the dot and start reading.  And that’s what I did every evening.  I had my little dog.  I had my fire.  I had my book.  And I had my wine.  And the problem with this is that people talk of it as if it’s a problem, the solitary spinster drinker.  But, far from being a problem, it’s lovely.”

    Amen, Nuala!  There are very few things I cherish more than beautiful moments of solitude (often supplemented by wine or gin martinis).

    Other news:  I am in Canada!  And boy golly, I sure am getting rudely reacquainted with what humidity is like.  A year in the desert has clearly made me weak.  Or at least has dried me out.

    Other, other news:  I am finally sitting down and watching Mad Men, after two years of everybody telling me I should.  I’m only part way through the first season right now, and, yeah, it’s good.  One thing though:  Yes, I totally get why everyone is all gaga over Joan Holloway.  I get it.  The clothes, the hair, the femme fatale schtick.  But that’s the problem:  I totally get the Joan Holloway character.  There is nothing new and exciting for me in Joan Holloway.  I have seen her in a million Joan Crawford movies.  Now, Peggy Olsen?  She is fascinating.  I don’t understand her yet, and I want to know what’s going on with her, and that’s why I like her.  I want more Peggy.

    And yesterday was a lovely, lovely day because I went into Toronto for the day (my dad had a meeting in the city so I went along for the ride) and met up with Tanya and Emily and Amy B., fabulous all, for lunch and ice cream, and I’m excited to go back to Toronto in a few weeks for more friends and lunches and ice cream.

    And there is another author who has recently met with the spinster Stamp of Approval, this time from myself and Spinster Sister Amy G., and that is Elaine Dundy, and I don’t know why we’ve never heard of her.  I walked into Stories a few weeks ago and picked up a copy of The Dud Avocado, based solely on its title, and it is pure wonderful, a fabulous, fabulous tale of Sally Jay Gorce, an American ex-pat in Paris in the 1950s, and you should read it because it’s lovely and hilarious.  And I have decided to call myself an ex-pat when I’m in LA from now on, because it sounds so very glamourous.  But right now I am really enjoying sitting around my parents’ house in my pyjamas, being not glamourous at all.

    Category Awesome, Books, Canadialand | Tags: | 3 Comments

  5. And also I fell and skinned my knee. Luckily, my heart is made of fourtanium

    February 15, 2009 by ms. xandra

    1.  Dear my students:  the question about “which movement is this song associated with” was referring to a social movement.  Therefore the answer is not “the movement of swaying your hips.”

    2.  Dear American Cinematheque:  Thank you for having a Valentine’s day double bill of Baz Luhrmann films about how if you fall in love, things become horrible and then you die (poison or the consumption, your choice), which is basically consistent with my worldview these days.

    3.  Remember in Anne of Green Gables when Ruby Gillis had the consumption and everybody talked about how beautiful it made her and I was eleven years old and had never heard of the consumption before and didn’t know what Lucy Maud was talking about?  Actually, I think it was in Anne of the Island.  Anyhow, I think of Ruby Gillis every time someone dies of the consumption.

    4.  So Sam and I are doing this thing where we are only going to eat fresh fruits and vegetables for an entire week (STOP LAUGHING AT ME, I KNOW YOU’RE LAUGHING AT ME) because we think it will make us feel better and healthier, and I am personally hoping it makes me feel less depressed as fuck all the time.  So basically we are having a week without carbs and dairy and unnecessary sugar.  So, of course, today I went to Cafe Audrey to drink tea and grade midterms and this dude sits at the table beside me and proceeds to consume (and I am not even kidding) buttered bread with french fries on it.  “Would you like a fry?” he said.  “No thanks,” I replied, and my heart wept, for my heart loves carbs.

    5.  This is mostly of interest to Tanya:  Apparently there is this goth bar in Downtown LA that has mod night on Thursdays?  So, like mod goth night?  Or goth mod night?  It sounds…important.

    6.  Because of a conversation I had today, I’ve been thinking a lot about these things and these things, and about how I don’t understand the impulse to lie and to hurt people. It’s frustrating.  It’s even more frustrating when people just get away with it.

    7.  Because of the Oscars (seriously) my bus stop up near the Egyptian was moved from its normal, well-lit corner to a sketchy, scary corner.  Please join me in boycotting the Academy Awards to protest this injustice (not that I was going to watch them anyhow).

    8.  I am 25 years old and I have never owned my own car and this realization makes me feel kind of inadequate, even though I don’t even want a car.  What I really want is, like,  a unicorn.

    9.  This is my 600th blog post!  Only 66 more until I have the blog of the beast.  I think I will celebrate that momentous occasion by drinking red wine out of a teacup and then falling asleep in front of a rerun of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

    Category Angst, Awesome, Books, Food, Los Angeles | Tags: | 2 Comments

  6. Example of how grad school enables one to become completely disconnected from reality.

    November 15, 2008 by ms. xandra

    The other day, in a restaurant, I saw a news item appear on the TV screen with the  headline “DEATH OF AN AUTHOR,” and I thought to myself, “How interesting!  CNN is doing some kind of piece on Foucault, or perhaps Barthes!”

    Of course this was not true.  CNN was doing a piece on Micheal Crichton, who is an author who is dead for real, not theoretically.

    Category Academe, Books, Culture, School | Tags: | 2 Comments

  7. Dear Santa,

    September 28, 2008 by ms. xandra

    Is it too early for this?  No way.  It’s never too early to write to Santa. I’ve actually  been composing a blog post about how really upset the concurrent election campaigns in Canada and the US are making me (so upset that I have been waking up with weird stomach cramps) but I can only spend about two minutes at a time on it because otherwise I go plummeting into despair.  So to distract myself from despair, I have composed the following list entitled “What I want for Christmas, 2008 Edition.”

    1.  A Nigella Lawson cookbook.   Either How to Eat or Nigella Express, but preferably Nigella Express because it has more pictures and we all know that the entire point of cookbooks is FOOD PORN.  (Yesss!  And now I will get a hundred hits to my blog from people googling for pornography featuring naked ladies covered in food.  Hello, creepy weirdos!  Thank you for making the internet a wildly uncomfortable place!)

    2.  A citrus reamer like the one my mom got from the Pampered Chef.  Not only is it perfect for margarita making, it also serves double-duty as a self-defense device because it weighs approximately 57 pounds.

    3.  A pair of really good headphones.

    4.  A solution to my boy problem (problem being:  boys exist and are stupid but I still want to make out with them) that does not involve celibacy.

    5.  A North America presided over by a team of kind, fair, benevolent, intelligent, democratically elected Philosopher Monarch-type people who just happen to agree with and enforce all of my opinions.

    6.  Another new X-Files movie.  One that isn’t TERRIBLE.  I know it is possible.  I just watched Jose Chung’s From Outer Space.  I know it is possible.

    7.  Somebody to go out dancing with.  I miss going dancing with my Sassyladyfriends.

    8.  UNICORN.  (Item 8 could also be combined with Item 7:  A unicorn to go out dancing with.  That would be quite acceptable.)

    I know I can count on you, Santa!  Don’t let me down!

    Yours,

    Xandra A.

    Category Awesome, Books, Culture, Food, Internet, Media, Politics, X-Files | Tags: | 4 Comments

  8. Good heavens.

    August 25, 2008 by ms. xandra

    I am ridiculously sick with Mystery Ailment, and thus my vague plans to descend on Toronto before I head back to California are shelved. My glands! They are the size of…large round things. I’m sorry. My wit fails me in my delirium.

    Also, as a result of my delirium, I am incapable of reading anything other than children’s literature because everything else makes my brain hurt. This unfortunately means that my plans to get through a stack of pretentious books (see sidebar) have also been shelved, but I’m really not that disappointed because I’ve worked my way through the Louise Fitzhugh catalog and tomorrow I plan to start on Patricia C. Wrede. Louise Fitzhugh is funny – there are times when her novels definitely come across as products of their time and sometimes there is some weird race/class stuff that makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable (especially in The Long Secret) but I can generally move beyond these issues, because her young, female protagonists, have such genuine character and really manage to speak to my Quirkyalone condition even though they are all around eleven years old. They’re all these quiet, smart girls who don’t fit in anywhere and read books and write a lot, which is kind of what I was like as an eleven year old. I have re-read Harriet the Spy SO MANY TIMES, and for some reason there are parts in it now that make me cry and cry and cry that never used to, and I love it so much and Harriet is my favourite fictional character ever, hands down.

    Anyhow, my mother thinks my Mystery Ailment is a result of me doing too much gallivanting about and not enough resting while I’ve been in Canada, so here is my plan for when I come home next summer: I am going to sit in the backyard with a pitcher of margaritas. And you can all come to me. And my dad will make us pizza in his pizza oven and we will get good and shitfaced and it will be amazing.

    Category Books, Summer | Tags: | 4 Comments