First, I laid out the prehistoric earth, with a sad apatosaurus embedded therein.

That is a milk-based almond, cinnamon, bourbon jello (I was trying to use up the dregs of bottles in the liquor cabinet, and last few drops of some fireball whiskey left over from some apocalypse-themed cocktails that I made a few months ago served quite nicely here), with blackberries, peaches, slivered almonds, and chunks of cherry jello (leftover from that time Aaron got a wisdom tooth pulled) for prehistoric texture.  The apatosaurus is plastic.

And then I added a volcano, made out of grape jello, which was made using plain gelatin and real grape juice.  Using actual fruit juice instead and plain gelatin, instead of using flavored gelatin mixes is so much tastier and probably better for you because it isn’t as loaded with sugar.  Also, pterodactyl.

And then the volcano erupted!

The lava is gelatin made with tasty orange-carrot-ginger juice, which I let partially set and then folded into whipped cream. This results in an amazing sturdy and yet mousse-like texture that is tasty and also, admittedly, weird.  I then dusted the whole thing with sparkly red sugar from a cookie decorating kit, thereby negating any of the positive health effects of using juice.  The trees are eucalyptus branches.  The dinosaur is engulfed in lava.

I promise that for next Dinosaur Day I will make an actual dinosaur out of jello and frosting.

So you will forgive me for forgetting to tell you about Dinosaur Day.

Go on, click through for dinosaurs.  You know you want dinosaurs.

We rose with the sun, if the sun rose sometime around 11, and headed out to our first stop, Carnitas Michoacan No. 3, in lovely and fashionable East LA (and I mean that completely unironically, because the area of Whittier Boulevard that is just east of Carnitas Michoacan is a magical land of magic, featuring a gelatin art shop and a building shaped like a giant tamale – visit it yourself with Charles Phoenix!),  for dinosaur-themed taco brunch!  Because you know that if someone puts a plaster velociraptor (in a stylish loincloth, no less) and giant french fries made out of 2×4′s on their roof, they are serious about tacos.

  That must be how they managed to sell FIVE ZILLION of them!

From there, it was off to Legg Lake Park, in the Whittier Narrows Recreation area, where we went on a thrilling dinosaur safari.  Amazing cement beasts from another age lurked around every corner and behind every tree!

Clearly, I am not afraid of dinosaurs.  Not even the two-headed kind.

 I survey the land from atop a prehistoric starfish.

Ok, so an octopus is not, strictly speaking, a dinosaur, but this one is large, impractical, and made of cement, which makes it Dinosaur-Day-worthy nonetheless.

These darling creatures were all created by one of my favorite, underrated local artisans, Benjamin Dominguez, who did statues for a number of parks in the area.

If you are new to this party, here are some facts about Dinosaur Day:

Dinosaur Day is a very important holiday that I invented, on which we commemorate the loss of our lizardly ancestors.  Dinosaur Day is typically celebrated by embarking on a Dinosaur Pilgrimage to an important Dinosaur Historical site.  Ideally, Dinosaur Pilgrimages should involve going on inconvenient and ill-advised journeys into the desert on the hottest day of the year, although it is acceptable to modify the strictures of Dinosaur Pilgrimage depending on one’s geographical location.

Our first Dinosaur Day Pilgrimage was to Cabazon, CA, to see the Cabazon Dinosaurs, which most famously appeared in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, and are now owned and operated by creationists.  You can read all about our journey (and also see the extremely ambitious Countdown to Dinosaur Day that I wrote that year, featuring a profile of a different dinosaur every day because I wasn’t teaching that summer and had a lot of time on my hands) here!

Last year we visited a tragic abandoned dinosaur site in Apple Valley, and had lunch at Peggy Sue’s Diner and Diner-Saur Park, just outside of Barstow.  The stop at Peggy Sue’s Diner is also notable because I forced Aaron to order Green River, the world’s neonest soda pop (I believe the phrase “the gentleman will have the Green River” may have been uttered), and they brought it out to him in a giant fluted goblet.

Last summer, Tanya and I celebrated Dinosaur Day:  LONDONTOWN EDITION, at Crystal Palace Park, on what was arguably the greatest day of our lives.

This year, things are complicated.  This year, Dinosaur Day is coinciding with (for my non-Angeleno readers who are blissfully unaware of this) the 405 closure:  they are shutting down a big section of a major freeway that runs through West LA, and the predictions are apocalyptic.  Aaron read somewhere that traffic might be backed up all the way to Mexico?  Which I think is maybe a bit extreme, hopefully?  But at any rate, they’re calling it Carmaggedon, and telling everyone to stay home, and so even though Dinosaur Day will take us Eastwards, away from this potential disaster, there is really no telling how bad it could get, and if it will affect our planned pilgrimage at all.

I had initially come up with an extremely ambitious plan to avoid all of this by leaving LA on Friday night and making for Arizona, and the town of Holbrook, where everyone has a plaster dinosaur on their lawn, but then Some People’s Boyfriends scheduled dental surgery for Friday afternoon, which means Dinosaur Day: Can We Possibly Road Trip To Arizona and Manage to Not Buy Anything There Because We are Boycotting Arizona? edition will have to wait until next year.  My other plan, to build a giant dinosaur out of chicken wire and plaster and to reverently place it somewhere prominent (like, say, the middle of one of the Os in the Hollywood sign, or another reasonable location) as a Dinosaur Memorial was voted down by non-crafty-identified members of our party.

Instead, we have some more (somewhat) reasonable events planned:

We will start our journey at Carnitas Michoacan No. 3, a humble East-LA taco stand, that has the distinction of being the only taco stand that has both a) a sign proclaiming “over five zillion tacos sold” and b) a plaster velociraptor on the roof.  They are open 24 hours, which means TACOS FOR BREAKFAST, EVERYBODY!

We will then venture forth to Whittier Narrows, to visit the sea monsters and dinosaurs in Legg Lake Park!

And from there, pending traffic, and using a roundabout route that ideally avoids freeways, it’s off to the strange, and potentially very creepy Charlie Brown Farms, which, in addition to a Land of the Dinosaurs, also has Village of the Gnomes, House of Dolls, and World of Betty Boop.  Because those are things that go together.  Also, they sell rattlesnake meat.  WHY, DEAR WORLD?

And then it’s back home, for a dinosaur film and DINOSAUR JELLO which I am envisioning in my mind as I write this, and it is going to be beyond beautiful.

This is all pending-Carmaggedon.  If we are stuck close to home, the Natural History Museum’s new Dinosaur Hall is actually officially opening on Saturday, and I suppose we could celebrate Dinosaur Day there, although, as I keep insisting, Dinosaur Day just isn’t Dinosaur Day if we don’t drive really really far for no good reason.   In which case I will drive to Arizona the following weekend by myself, if necessary.

Elizabeth Arden’s Eight Hour Cream.    It makes my chapped lips unchapped in approximately five minutes.  It comes in a tiny glass jar that is the same tiny glass jar it has come in since approximately forever.  You can also get it in a sad plastic tube but WHY?

Tiny glass jars.  I would like to accumulate a collection of old glass jars that were once filled with cold cream and pomade and powders and were used by women, who, I like to imagine, were Great Women of Letters.  I would like to keep these artfully scattered on the bathroom vanity, as though my own home were inhabited by a Great Woman of Letters of yesteryear and has been frozen in a more fabulous time.

Animatronic Dinosaurs.  Every day can be Dinosaur Day, it is true, it is true!  You just have to believe in the power of Dinosaurs and make it so!  Today I said “if there is one thing we accomplish tonight, I would like it to be a trip  on the Jurassic Park in the Dark ride.”  And my wish came true!  Granted, Nikki and I were already at Universal Studios, which did perhaps enable my dream in becoming reality, but I feel that this doesn’t take away from the message of hope I am trying to convey here.  That message being:  Dinosaurs!  They’re secretly always with you!  Even if they’re only animatronic, or only in your heart.

Armed with seven hours worth of educational paleontology podcasts, we ventured forth to Apple Valley, California (stopping along the way at the Donut Man, in Glendora, the Official Donut Purveyor of Dinosaur Day), home of the now tragic, crumbling Apple Valley Dinosaurs.

What was once a magnificent . . . mini golf course, is now a tragic monument to the loss of our long-departed lizardly overlords.  I braved six inches of barbed wire to get close to one, and, apart from that time at the Cabazon Dinosaurs, and that time at the Natural History Museum, and that time at Science North when I was five, and that time at the Bruce County Museum, and all of those other times when I’ve stood next to fake and/or reconstructed dinosaur skeletons, it was the closest I’d ever been to a dinosaur.

So, I cannot over-emphasize the strangeness of this place, you know?  Wire and cement skeletons of fake dinosaurs were everywhere, a few had vestiges of their original paint jobs, and it was so hot and desolate.  I’m fascinated by the strangely melancholic desert cities in the middle of California – who are the people who choose to live there and why?Once, the area was booming, but it certainly isn’t anymore.  And, most importantly, who builds their dinosaur golf course out there?  My theory is that since Apple Valley is Route 66-adjacent, it might have been a tourist draw once, but now, there is nothing surrounding it.  Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Anyhow, we stopped at the Route 66 Museum in Victorville because it was there and because it was free, and it was fascinating too.  They have a 9 foot tall hula girl statue from Hulaville, which looms large over the entire museum, and which Aaron completely failed to notice because he is an oblivious boy who was busy reading the descriptions of antique radios.  And also the Route 66 Museum is right next to a Wonder Bread/Hostess warehouse store (yes, really) so next time we go out into the middle of the desert for no good reason I am going to buy a gross of Twinkies.

And then we were off to Peggy Sue’s Diner and Diner-saur park.  If you’re going to have a giant 50′s diner with an entrance shaped like a jukebox, you need something to distinguish yourself from all of the other 50′s diners.  And apparently that thing is dinosaurs.  And to think I was already excited that there were sandwiches named after Fabian and Frankie Avalon and Richard Nixon!  I could eat a Frankie Avalon sandwich AND ALSO there were dinosaurs.

And King Kong, don’t forget King Kong.

And in case anyone needed any help with dinosaur identification, voila!  A handy guide to dinosaur taxonomy:

And then we went home and watched The Land that Time Forgot, which had WONDERFUL and TERRIBLE fake dinosaurs in it and also cave men and Really Excellent Science.  Although it did suffer from a little too much “we are on a German U-boat and not very pleased about it”-style exposition before we got to the actual dinosaurs, but they were such good actual dinosaurs that I can’t complain much.  We also made our own Special Edition Dinosaur Day Ice Cream by throwing vanilla ice cream in the stand mixer with blue food coloring, malt balls, chocolate chips, and marshmallows, which, somehow, stands for dinosaur?  Whatever, it was awesome.

I am thinking that for next Dinosaur Day we need to do something really big, and maybe actually involving real dinosaurs, like volunteering on a paleontology dig or something?  Whatever we do it will be amazing because Dinosaur Day is officially the BEST DAY OF THE YEAR.

There are more Dinosaur Day pictures on that facebook thing, if you want ‘em.

Dozens of dinosaur pictures await!  There are lots, so this is split into two posts.

An apatosaurus in the distance!

Some scenic rocky desert (exciting fo those of us who are Canadian and used to trees and rocks and water)

WELCOME TO CREATIONIST LAND!

Outside the entrance was a welcoming serpent.

We made friends with it!

DINOSAURS HAVE GIANT TEETH!

Luckily I am a sassy lady adventurer who is quite capable of subduing them.

For sale: dinosaurs. And also a dragon.

Apatosaurus army!

Apatosaurus army!

Inside the belly of the apatosaur!

A view up the tail of the apatosaurus

OMINOUS!

I have successfully subdued this tyrannosaurus.

This dinosaur's neck is securely held on with a piece of burlap.

Nikki is totally prepared to kick dinosaur ass.

A dinosaur chorus line.

More pictures!  Next post!

Anyhow, I thought it was important to give you, you know, the theoretical framework we’re working with before getting to the actual dinosaur displays.  Not that any of this actually requires, say, logic or sense or anything.  In fact, it’s probably best if you put logic on the shelf.

See below the jump for photos.

Click to embiggen!  Because you want to read these signs for yourself, really you do.

The theory of evolution is actually religious dogma!

Creationists get kids while they're young by giving them stylish t-shirts.

DINOSAURS CAN TALK!

Evolution could not happen because of . . . the second law of thermodynamics?

Dinosaurs go to church!

Plate tectonics happens really really fast!

Scientists have been wrong for years!

Ancient people made dinosaur models out of play-doh! Therefore dinosaurs and humans coexisted.

Feathers evolving from scales? THAT IS SILLY!

Dinosaurs aren't excinct. THEY ARE ONLY HIDING.

My relative is the one on the top right.

Carbon Dating: LIES!

Carbon dating: still lies.

Every animal ever just suddenly appeared one day! Thus there is a god.

DNA: Still somehow proof of evolution never happening.

Oh, well. That settles things.

UP NEXT:  If humans coexist with robotic dinosaurs, does that mean that dragons are real?

How did you celebrate dinosaur day?  I hope you celebrated it by roaring at people and telling them to Never Forget the Dinosaurs.  I did some of that, but mostly what I did on Dinosaur Day was ROAD TRIP!

Along with two of my most intrepid and adventurous associates, I journeyed into the expanses of the desert (ie: to somewhere near Palm Springs) to go to the Cabazon Dinosaurs.  You have probably seen the Cabazon Dinosaurs.  They’re in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure!  And they’re the largest fake dinosaurs in the world!  They were built in the 1960s, and they used to be a real dinosaur museum.  They are still a dinosaur musem, but with an extra special twist:  a few years ago, the Cabazon dinosaurs were bought by CREATIONISTS!  So basically, we had a really good time.  And we learned SO MUCH about DINOSAURS.

The photo essay is after the jump!   This is the first part of our trip.  Exciting Dinosaurs are coming in part two!

Before we ventured into the desert, it was very important that we stop for provisions.  Specifically, it was very important that we stop for provisions at The Donut Man in Glendora.  Because at The Donut Man, you can get these:

Donuts filled with fresh strawberries! Amazing.

Art shot: Part-time paleontologists reflected in donut window.

We stopped at a Bob's Big Boy for a sodapop/bathroom break.

And I took the opportunity to vamp like an idiot in my roadtrip sunglasses.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3, titled respectively, “Look at all these dinosaurs!” and “What I learned from Creationists.”

“It’s true,” said Harrison, a Tyrannosaurus Rex.  “I am just as awesome as they say I am.  Awesomer, actually.

“I think that, for the sake of argument, it might be necessary to enumerate all of the ways in which I am so obviously awesome.  And, by the way, I mean awesome in every possible sense of the word.  So, like, not only am I totally ‘awesome’ meaning, like, really great and groovy and totally the best ever, I am also ‘awesome’ as in awe-inspiring and amazing and fear-evoking.  Especially fear evoking.  Have I evoked fear in you yet? No?  Here, look at all of these giant teeth I’ve got.  Yeah, that’s right.  I told you I was fear evoking.

“So anyhow, yeah.  I’m even awesome than they say I am.  There’s the teeth, right?  And then just the sheer size of my head.  That, combined with the sheer size of my tail makes for a whole lot of sheer size.  6.8 metric tonnes of sheer size.  That is awesome.

“Speaking of my tail, it has forty vertebrae.  That’s a pretty awesome number of vertebrae.  Oh, and have you heard about my eyes?  I have super awesome vision.  My eyes are like a pair of binoculars, but inside my head.  That is awesome.  Really awesome.  I was able to regulate my own body temperature, which makes me awesomer than most dinosaurs.  And I could run, like, 70 kilometres an hour, which is pretty awesomely fast.

“And my teeth can CRUSH BONE.  AWESOME.   I dare anyone to find anything about me that isn’t awesome.

“If you mention my tiny arms I’ll eat your face.”