Ok, so I’m cleaning up my blog roll a bit – I’ve gotten rid of all of the dead links and links to people who haven’t posted since, like, 2006. I know a lot of you have moved and are blogging at new venues and I have failed at keeping on top of things, so if you read this blog and your blog isn’t listed on the right, please comment below and let me know your new addresses, and I will update accordingly! And even if you don’t actually know me outside of teh interwebs, but read this, please do say hi because I’d love to know who’s reading.
‘Internet’ Category
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Spring Cleaning
April 15, 2009 by ms. xandra
Category Internet | Tags: | 4 Comments
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Sandwiches
March 14, 2009 by ms. xandra
Are you on twitter? If so, you might be interested to know that Tanya and I have a new project going (as of about 1:00 am last night when I thought of it) called SANDWICHBLOG, wherein we are using twitter to tell you what kinds of sandwiches we eat. We have started this project because I realized that most of the emails Tanya and I send each other are about sandwiches. Which is an occupational hazard, I guess, if you’re a girl whose vocation is “Sandwich Eater.”
THIS IS WHAT THE INTERNET WAS INVENTED FOR!
Category Food, Internet | Tags: | 1 Comment
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Dear Intelligentsia Coffee,
February 19, 2009 by ms. xandra
It is very nice that you are opening up a pretentious new location in Venice with fancy hydrolic pods or something, but please will you open a store in West Hollywood in the empty storefont near my house. I will give you hundreds of dollars. Thank you.
Love,
AlexandraDear office computer,
It has taken me an hour to burn a cd on you, what is your problem? Oh, the things I do for Sgt. Pepper.
Hate,
Alexandra
Dear Readers,This is the first time I have looked at my blog on this computer and I am dismayed to see that the header banner is not centered which fills my obsessive-compulsive heart with angst. Does that happen to any of you? If so, I will fix it this weekend.
Love, love, love, and also cookies,
Alexandra
Category Canadialand, Coffee, Culture, Internet, Uncategorized | Tags: | 7 Comments
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Burning question!
November 30, 2008 by ms. xandra
In honour of I AM GOING TO HAWAII IN JANUARY TO PRESENT PAPERS AND SEDUCE CABANA BOYS and also I AM GETTING PAID THIS WEEK, I have decided to finally get an Esther Williams swimsuit. Esther Williams swimsuits have been the object of much covetousness on my part for some time.
But should I get purple or brown? The brown is very chocolatey and delicious and would look good with my hair. The purple is very vibrant and delicious and would also look good with my hair. My first instinct was CHERRY PRINT! GET THE CHERRY PRINT! but I have curbed that instinct because the goal is to look like a classy 1950s beach vixen (from space), not a late-1990s-rockabilly-loving teenager who spends their allowance at Hot Topic. Um, leopard print is also open for consideration at this point as well. Polka dots are out because they are kind of played out these days.
And also, Dear Esther Williams, please will you redesign your website so that you look like you are running a reputable business, and not an identity theft ring? I’m not worried, because I know you actually do sell swimsuits because I know of people who have bought them (and write excellent fashion blogs), but, honestly. It looks like someone made your website out of paste. The kind in a jar, with a stick, commonly found in kindergarten classrooms.
Category Fashion!, Internet, Space, Summer | Tags: | 9 Comments
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Well…good.
October 28, 2008 by ms. xandra
Oh, lord, the most ridiculous things happen to me. Or rather, I tend to throw myself headlong into the most ridiculous situations without an apparent second thought.
I can’t even talk about this. It’s all too stupid. I am still recovering from having just viewed Death Bed: The Bed that Eats (the BEST FILM in the HISTORY OF CINEMA, see it immediately), and now is just not the time. But…who knew that sometimes maybe the missed connections actually kind of work, with potentially mortifying results?
Well, whatever.
Yours truly,
Ms. Xandra A., who probably shouldn’t go back to her favourite coffee shop anymore.
Category Internet | Tags: | 7 Comments
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Dear Santa,
September 28, 2008 by ms. xandra
Is it too early for this? No way. It’s never too early to write to Santa. I’ve actually been composing a blog post about how really upset the concurrent election campaigns in Canada and the US are making me (so upset that I have been waking up with weird stomach cramps) but I can only spend about two minutes at a time on it because otherwise I go plummeting into despair. So to distract myself from despair, I have composed the following list entitled “What I want for Christmas, 2008 Edition.”
1. A Nigella Lawson cookbook. Either How to Eat or Nigella Express, but preferably Nigella Express because it has more pictures and we all know that the entire point of cookbooks is FOOD PORN. (Yesss! And now I will get a hundred hits to my blog from people googling for pornography featuring naked ladies covered in food. Hello, creepy weirdos! Thank you for making the internet a wildly uncomfortable place!)
2. A citrus reamer like the one my mom got from the Pampered Chef. Not only is it perfect for margarita making, it also serves double-duty as a self-defense device because it weighs approximately 57 pounds.
3. A pair of really good headphones.
4. A solution to my boy problem (problem being: boys exist and are stupid but I still want to make out with them) that does not involve celibacy.
5. A North America presided over by a team of kind, fair, benevolent, intelligent, democratically elected Philosopher Monarch-type people who just happen to agree with and enforce all of my opinions.
6. Another new X-Files movie. One that isn’t TERRIBLE. I know it is possible. I just watched Jose Chung’s From Outer Space. I know it is possible.
7. Somebody to go out dancing with. I miss going dancing with my Sassyladyfriends.
8. UNICORN. (Item 8 could also be combined with Item 7: A unicorn to go out dancing with. That would be quite acceptable.)
I know I can count on you, Santa! Don’t let me down!
Yours,
Xandra A.
Category Awesome, Books, Culture, Food, Internet, Media, Politics, X-Files | Tags: | 4 Comments
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IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT re: PIRATES
September 22, 2008 by ms. xandra
Friends,
DID YOU KNOW that on facebook you can set your language setting to “English (Pirate)”?
Now you know. Now your life is about 73% better. I know mine is.
Yarrrr’s truly,
Captain Xandra
Category Internet | Tags: | No Comments
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Mermaids! X-Files! (What else is new?)
September 12, 2008 by ms. xandra
Oh, the internet is the greatest thing. The internet allows me to transmit my hopes and dreams into a series of tubes, and then, on rare, sparkling occasions, actually finds people on the other end of those tubes who manage make my dreams come true. Once upon a time, I said on this blog, “gee, I wish I had a ticket for that sold-out B-52s concert,” and then, lo-and-behold, a member of the Grammy committee and friend of the late, great John Peel had one with my name on it. Once upon a two-days-ago, I said, “gee, I wish I had a ‘Mermaids for Layton’ button,” and just look at what that boy of Tanya’s slapped together for me:
Amazing.
Today I saw a bus that still had a lonely-looking X-Files 2 ad on it! And it reminded me of those halcyon days preceeding the 25th of July, 2008, when we still had hope. Hope that the X-Files movie would be not terrible. Ah yes, I remember those days. Those days before the world was introduced to Fox “Scratchy Beard” Mulder. Those days before our dreams were shattered by a movie about Russian doctors harvesting people’s organs. But at least we will always have Mulder and Scully in a rowboat. Forever.
And also there are funny billboards with David Duchovny’s face on them all over the city, advertising the new season of Californication. Apparently he won the Golden Globe for best actor for the last season, which seems highly improbable because, well, who knew anyone was watching that show? Even I wasn’t, and Fox Mulder is my second-best friend! (Dana Scully is my first-best friend, and Walter Skinner is my third-best friend. And Diana Fowley is my Number Two Worst Enemy, right after Karl Lagerfeld.) So as I contemplated David Duchovny’s face as my bus was stopped at a red light on Sunset today, I got to thinking. I have been living in Los Angeles for an entire year, and I have yet to even make out with David Duchovny, Sex Addict. (An aside: Why is it that in the media coverage of David’s sex addiction not one person has mentioned the scene in Trust the Man where David actually goes to Sex Addicts Anonymous and says “I am a sex addict. I enjoy rubbing cold cuts all over my naked body”? Oh, wait: because nobody else saw that movie.) Clearly I need to up my game. So, in the interests of upping my game, I have purchased an eyelash curler and have started referring to my bathroom exclusively as the “Powder Room.” How these two things will succeed in helping me to up my game has yet to be determined. But, you know, good things come to those with very curly eyelashes who wait in powder rooms. Or something.
Category Internet, Media, Politics, X-Files | Tags: | 6 Comments
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Awesome things I should tell you about before I forget!
September 8, 2008 by ms. xandra
1. I am going to the Chris Leavins Story Hour! Amazing!
2. The other day, Cute Earnest Barista was like, “Hey, you should come to this show we’re having next week! I think you’d really like it!” which either means that Cute Earnest Barista likes me, or that Cute Earnest Barista is worried that nobody will come to the show, and I look generically artsy enough that I might be inclined to attend that sort of event.
3. For breakfast this morning, instead of pouring milk on my granola, I poured on leftover iced coffee and it was so delicious. Also, maybe this coffee thing is becoming a problem?
4. Margarita ice cream! I am making some tonight! And probably not sharing.
5. Did you listen to this week’s Vinyl Cafe? You should download the podcast because it was SO FUNNY.
Category Coffee, Internet, Media | Tags: | 5 Comments
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And then I died of plague.
September 3, 2008 by ms. xandra
I am back in Los Angeles, in a very pink room, which I think I am going to paint sky blue. Being in this pink room is a vast improvement over the situation of two nights ago, wherin I was sleeping in the kitchen. Yes, it’s true, I am that kind of lady. Speaking of which, “That Kind of Lady” is probably going to be the title of my autobiographical, twelve-dollar trade paperback novel/book of letters.
Hey, so we went to see a movie at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, and it was super! Seeing a movie in the cemetery, I mean. The movie, not so hot. It was this terrible thing with Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie, and the entire audience got a bad case of the giggles when Donald came on screen with his curly mop and rather distinguished moustache, and things just went downhill from there when Donald took off his pants. And then he was murdered by a troll! There, I’ve spoiled the ending, now you don’t have to go see it.
And I went to the doctor today regarding my mysterious mystery ailment of the past few weeks, even though I’m feeling better, because whenever I’m sick I just assume I have syphillis or plague and I like verifying that that is not the case. The doctor did not disappoint. She diagnosed me with “some weird virus that has gone away.” So that’s reassuring.
One of the worst things about the internet is how it has enabled me to become an irrational hypochodriac. Like, last week I had a rash. The Mayo Clinic website provided me with a fascinating list of conditions and ailments that cause rashes, syphilis being among them, so I immediately decided that, clearly, this was what was wrong with me. Nevermind that my rash did not in any way resemble a syphilis rash, which is normally found on the palms of the hands and soles of the feet, whereas mine was ON MY LEGS – I immediately assume that not even the worst-case scenario, but the stupidest-case scenario, must be true. So, that’s how I spent my last week at home in Canada: worrying about syphilis, an disease that I could not possibly have actually caught. But all was not for naught, for now, I am a self-educated expert on the disease. Did you know that there are four phases?
1. You get a giant, gross, painless sore at the site of infection.
2. You get a rash and flu-like symptoms.
3. You go into a latent phase where there are no symptoms.
4. You become Friedrich Nietzshe.
Anyhow, that’s all. I didn’t see nearly everyone I meant to see while I was home, due to my non-syphilitic “weird virus”, and also because I did too much traveling and got tired so next year you all have to come to see me. This post was incoherent and I miss my mom and dad. But what can you do?
I want a Tim Hortons ham and cheese tea biscuit.
OH WAIT! I almost forgot about my big news. My big news is that I have decided on a new tactic regarding boys. My new tactic is: celibacy. It’s going really well so far.
Category Canadialand, Internet, Summer | Tags: | 5 Comments
